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Industrial pollution is increasing all around the world Some people say that the most effective way to tackle the problem is to Tax companies that are causing the pollution Others argue that there are other ways to control the situation Discuss both views v.1

Industrial pollution is increasing all around the world Some people say that the most effective way to tackle the problem is to Tax companies that are causing the pollution Others argue that there are other ways to control the situation 1
Sleep is an important activity required for the body to function properly. Globally, individuals spend less time sleeping than they used to in the past. I will discuss the two major reasons why people sleep less and the effect of this practice on the individual and the society in the subsequent paragraphs. The sleep time for people has been reduced because of some reasons. One of such reasons is that people now spend long hours on the road and as a result, they have shorter period to sleep. People work far away from their homes and the traffic situation is not helping matters at all; hence, they spend most of their time commuting to and from their workplace. This reduces the time they have left to sleep. For example, a 2017 survey by the Department of Sociology, University of Lagos, showed that people are barely able to find time to sleep because they spend approximately 80% of their day commuting. The other 20% is split between sleeping and other domestic activities. Another reason for this trend is that individuals spend most of their time engaging in entertainment activities such as video games and attending social events. These activities eat into their sleep period. Consequently, insufficient sleep has some negative effects on the individual and the society. Firstly, not enough sleep can have negative effects on a person's wellbeing and this may eventually increase government spending on health care. People can fall ill if they do not get enough sleep and government may have to spend more money caring for them. Secondly, it reduces productivity and this may lead to a fall in a nation's national income. For example, reports in the business news have shown that people are less productive during festive period because they attend many events. Consequently, the total revenue of most countries drop during this period. In conclusion, people sleep less than before globally. Some of the reasons for this trend are that people spend more time on the road now and on entertainment activities. This practice may lead to poor health of individuals, and increased government spending on health care. It may also lead to low productivity and reduced national income.
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Sleep
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
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activity
required for the body to function
properly
. Globally,
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individuals
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spend
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less
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time
sleeping than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to in the past. I will discuss the two major
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reasons
why
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
and the effect of this practice on the
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individual
and the society in the subsequent paragraphs.

The
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sleep
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time
for
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
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some
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reasons
. One of such
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reasons
is that
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
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spend
long hours on the road and
as a result
, they have shorter period to
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sleep
.
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People
work far away from their homes and the traffic situation is not helping matters at all;
hence
, they
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spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
commuting to and from their workplace. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to
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sleep
.
For example
, a 2017 survey by the Department of Sociology, University of Lagos,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
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people
are
barely
able to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
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spend
approximately 80% of their day commuting. The other 20%
is split
between sleeping and other domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this trend is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
engaging in entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as video games and attending social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. These
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activities
eat into their
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sleep
period.

Consequently
, insufficient
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sleep
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the
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individual
and the society.
Firstly
, not
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enough
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sleep
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on a person's
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
and this may
eventually
increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending on health care.
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People
can fall ill if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
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sleep
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
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spend
more money caring for them.
Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
productivity and this may lead to a fall in a nation's national income.
For example
, reports in the business news have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
productive during festive period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Consequently
, the total revenue of most countries drop during this period.

In conclusion
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
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less
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
globally.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this trend are that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the road
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and on entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This practice may lead to poor health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, and increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending on health care. It may
also
lead to low productivity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
national income.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Industrial pollution is increasing all around the world Some people say that the most effective way to tackle the problem is to Tax companies that are causing the pollution Others argue that there are other ways to control the situation 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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