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Over the last century, individual incomes have multiplied exponentially. Yet the level of happiness has not risen concurrently. Money is therefore not the key to happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Over the last century, individual incomes have multiplied exponentially. Yet the level of happiness has not risen concurrently. Money is therefore not the key to happiness. v. 1
Human beings, as social creatures, view money as an integral part of their existence. In this light, it has been observed that individual earnings increased significantly over the past decades, but the level of happiness has not escalate substantially. Therefore, a radical idea has been concluded that money is not the key to attain delight in one' s life. Similarly, this writer extremely agrees because there are far more important things that money cannot offer. To begin with, it is undoubtedly obvious that money is a source of happiness to some people. Primarily, it is the basic element used in satisfying and gratifying the physiologic needs of man. For exemplification, a man who is hungry is not happy. Apart from this, having a staggering amount of cash can buy all those material possessions of a person such as owning mansion houses, posh cars, luxury clothes and fascinating latest gadgets which elevate the joy of an individual. However, these are just temporary and superficial relief of self- fulfillment. On the other hand, the love and care of a family or friend cannot be simply bought by having huge sums of money. Even though a family is deprived of material things, it seems that the love of people around them make them happy and intact. As an illustration, Filipinos are one of the happiest countries globally despite experiencing poverty because they are known to have close family ties. Job satisfaction is another key element to be happy. Some people often feel the incomparable satisfaction towards their passion. Low paying jobs such as teachers and nurses are indeed fulfilled by contributing positively and doing what their heart desires for example. Based on the insightful justifications, money is not a guarantee to be happy. Hence, other factors such as love of significant others and the passion of pursuing what you really want are priceless and fulfilling.
Human beings, as social creatures, view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as an integral part of their existence. In this light, it has
been observed
that individual earnings increased
significantly
over the past decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the level of happiness has not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "escalated".
escalate
substantially
.
Therefore
, a radical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
has
been concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the key to attain delight in
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s life.
Similarly
, this writer
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot offer.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
undoubtedly
obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a source of happiness to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Primarily
, it is the basic element
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in satisfying and gratifying the physiologic needs of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. For exemplification, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who is hungry is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Apart from this, having a staggering amount of cash can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all those material possessions of a person such as owning mansion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, posh cars, luxury clothes and fascinating latest gadgets which elevate the joy of an individual.
However
, these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
temporary and superficial relief of self- fulfillment.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care of a family or friend cannot be
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by having huge sums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Even though
a family
is deprived
of material things, it seems that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and intact. As an illustration, Filipinos are one of the happiest countries globally despite experiencing poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are known
to have close family ties. Job satisfaction is another key element to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel the incomparable satisfaction towards their passion. Low paying jobs such as teachers and nurses are
indeed
fulfilled by contributing
positively
and doing what their heart desires
for example
.

Based on the insightful justifications,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not a guarantee to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Hence
, other factors such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of significant others and the passion of pursuing what you
really
want are priceless and fulfilling.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Over the last century, individual incomes have multiplied exponentially. Yet the level of happiness has not risen concurrently. Money is therefore not the key to happiness. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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