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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance.

Some people believe that success in life depends upon hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important. v. 3
It is controversial these days. There are many type of person who believes appearance is more important than mind, and these people are tend to give priority for the money. Others who focus on make their career and determination is tend to give priority get a good job and build their communities for success. However, I firmly believe that success in life comes from hard working. Firstly, person who believes success connect with appearance is normally young people. Young generations are very obsess their look. Because of the media which effect their identity. There is no hero who is ugly on media. That’s why they always focus on look. Also they tend to belive money makes us successfully. I understand these person, because we can buy anything by the money, such as expensive car and house. These are connect with image of success. On the other hands, there are several reason why hard-working is connect with success is because of acheivement. When we do hard-working, we will get high achievement. It only comes from by themselves. Money physical look doesn’t give achievement. For example, Many of them who has succeeded is normally enterpreser or politician. This shows success come from the career. To sum up, some people think that physical look and money makes us successful. However, I think that building a career and get achievement by themselves will give us more positive impact on our society.
It is controversial these days. There are
many type
of person
who
believes appearance is more
important
than mind, and these
people
are
tend
to
give
priority for the
money
. Others
who
focus on
make
their career and determination is
tend
to
give
priority
get
a
good
job and build their communities for
success
.
However
, I
firmly
believe that
success
in life
comes
from
hard working
.

Firstly
, person
who
believes
success
connect with appearance is
normally
young
people
. Young generations are
very
obsess their
look
.
Because
of the media which effect their identity. There is no hero
who
is ugly on media. That’s why they always focus on
look
.
Also
they tend
to belive
money
makes
us
successfully
. I understand
these person
,
because
we can
buy
anything by the
money
, such as expensive car and
house
. These are
connect
with image of success.

On the other hands, there are several reason why
hard
-working is
connect
with
success
is
because
of
acheivement
. When we do
hard
-working, we will
get
high achievement. It
only
comes
from by themselves.
Money
physical
look
doesn’t
give
achievement.
For example
,
Many
of them
who
has succeeded is
normally
enterpreser
or politician. This
shows
success
come
from the career.

To sum up,
some
people
think
that physical
look
and
money
makes
us successful.
However
, I
think
that building a career and
get
achievement by themselves will
give
us more
positive
impact on our society.
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IELTS essay Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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