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Some people believe that study online is more effective than studying on campus, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that study online is more effective than studying on campus, while others disagree. v. 2
Studying online have grown up the last 2 decades due to people has more access to the internet. Thus, some people believe is not efficient as being in a classroom every day. In this essay I will discuss both sides and give my opinion. Although people have gotten a degree by a computer University education, they have made a successful career. Famous universities have been working on making more easy the education and one clear example is only careers. Even more, they are working for getting more efficient strategies and make more people into education. They help to find where they can part time job getting more acceptances from companies. Juan Domínguez, a student graduated as a program development has been one of the clearest examples, he had gotten graduated 2 years ago and he has demonstrated he can be competitive such as whoever. As a consequence, Microsoft is more open to get online students. Assisting in the school every day can have a step up than online classes because you can ask your doubts to the teacher. As you can imagine, getting knowledge by a computer could not be the best way if you don't use to learn in the first, because online classes do not allow to ask the teacher making tedious. In conclusion, studying online would be a good opportunity if you have a child or you do not have enough time to spend in a school. Companies have been more open mind, making a great option.
Studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
have grown up the last 2 decades due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
more access to the internet.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe is not efficient as being in a classroom every day. In this essay I will discuss both sides and give my opinion.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have gotten a degree by a computer University education, they have made a successful career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
universities have been working on making more easy the education and one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
careers. Even more, they are working for getting more efficient strategies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into education. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to find where they can
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job getting more acceptances from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Juan Domínguez, a student graduated as a program development has been one of the clearest examples, he had gotten graduated 2 years
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ago and
he has demonstrated he can be competitive such as whoever. As a consequence, Microsoft is more open to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
students.

Assisting in the school every day can have a step
Use "upper" to make a comparison with this adjective.
up
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can ask your doubts to the teacher. As you can imagine, getting knowledge by a computer could not be the best way if you don't
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
learn in the
first
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
classes do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to ask the teacher making tedious.

In conclusion
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity if you have a child or you do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend in a school.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
have been more open mind, making a great option.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that study online is more effective than studying on campus, while others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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