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Some people believe that studying online is more effective than studying on campus while others disagree Discuss both the views and provide your opinion v.1

Some people believe that studying online is more effective than studying on campus while others disagree 1
The past decades have seen there was increasing awareness of woman's rights; thus, some maintained that housewives should be paid by the government for their job, such as taking care of the family. This essay, however, will argue that considering housewives as a position is not appropriate, and my reasons are twofold. Admittedly, especially feminists can argue that they sacrifice opportunities of employment in order to take care of the family members; additionally, the reason why the fertility rate remains low is a lack of government's help, lacking income resources contributing to a lower lives stander. Nevertheless, it is groundless to argue that a lower fertility and a lower lives stander can be attributed to lack government's funding. One indisputable reason is that the fertility rate is not as low as those people say in some countries, though the countries did not pay for them. One obvious example is that in China rural most people's income relies on self-reliance, such as farming or hunting; therefore, the number of people is the factor affecting their income resource. More people means that more food and a higher life stander, but some may argue the example that just explains the phenomenon in rural villages. Therefore, another reason why government should not pay for them is that in plenty of counties there have been a sufficient subsides to assist a family having babies and living in cities. Thus, paying should be out of the question. Although, the subsides is not enough to support a whole family, but at least it can remain a certain life stander in cities. In conclusion, subsides and self-reliance are my main reasons, believing that governments should not pay for them.
The past decades have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
there was increasing awareness of woman's rights;
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
maintained that housewives should
be paid
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for their job, such as taking care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This essay,
however
, will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
that considering housewives as a position is not appropriate, and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are twofold.

Admittedly
,
especially
feminists can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
that they sacrifice opportunities of employment in order to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members;
additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why the fertility rate remains low is a lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, lacking income resources contributing to a lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
stander.
Nevertheless
, it is groundless to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
that a lower fertility and a lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
stander can
be attributed
to lack
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's funding.

One indisputable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the fertility rate is not as low as those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, though the countries did not pay for them. One obvious example is that in China rural most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's income relies on self-reliance, such as farming or hunting;
therefore
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is the factor affecting their income resource. More
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
means
that more food and a higher life stander,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
the example that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the phenomenon in rural villages.

Therefore
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not pay for them is that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of counties there have been a sufficient subsides to assist a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
having babies and living in cities.
Thus
, paying should be out of the question. Although, the subsides is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to support a whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at least it can remain a certain life stander in cities.

In conclusion
, subsides and self-reliance are my main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, believing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not pay for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying online is more effective than studying on campus while others disagree 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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