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some people believe that students should attend field trips such as visiting zoos, museums or parks to learn knowledge. Others believe that students should stay in classrooms to learn knowledge. What is your opinion on this issue? v.2

some people believe that students should attend field trips such as visiting zoos, museums or parks to learn knowledge. Others believe that students should stay in classrooms to learn knowledge. What is your opinion on this issue? v. 2
Our world is advancing towards globalization. Therefore, with so many things in focus researchers believe that in the coming era whole globe will be using the same mother tongue irrespective of their cultural or religious beliefs. I personally think that this is essential in order to globalize the world. This essay will discuss this scenario using the examples of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey in order to demonstrate points and support claims. Firstly, unification of mother tongue will make the communication convenient. At this moment, it is very difficult to understand some research papers because of their difficult language. Furthermore, students have to take different language courses in order to qualify for a certain university of any specific nation. For example, Oxford University in 2016 conducted a research on the education systems of the globe and find out that most of the students dropped out of the academic institutions because they are not able to overcome the communication gap between instructors and pupils because of their poor understanding of that specific language. So it is clear from the example, that unified language system is the need of the day. Secondly, advocates of cultural language system believe that if the world speaking system is unified and every human being starts talking in the same way, it will destroy the cultural values of that society. But this is just an assumption and in reality it will allow the world to discover more cultures. Additionally, our knowledge of forgotten cultures of the world will also increase which we are not able to know because those cultures are of local value. Similarly, survey of Time Magazine in 2016 clearly shows that 60% people reject that idea of any harm to the norms of the society if unified language system is applied on the globe. So it is clear from the example that people are in favor of globalized speaking system. To conclude, globalization of language no doubt, creates doubt among people who are unaware of the benefits of that system. And I am satisfied with the way language is globalizing nowadays. In the future, we will see real benefits of this when people understand the importance of this globalization.
Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is advancing towards globalization.
Therefore
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in focus researchers believe that in the coming era whole globe will be using the same mother tongue irrespective of their cultural or religious beliefs. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is essential in order to globalize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This essay will discuss this scenario using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey in order to demonstrate points and support claims.

Firstly
, unification of mother tongue will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the communication convenient. At this moment, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research papers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Furthermore
, students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
courses in order to qualify for a certain university of any specific nation. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Oxford University in 2016 conducted
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
on the education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
of the globe and find out that most of the students dropped out of the academic institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not able to overcome the communication gap between instructors and pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their poor understanding of that specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, that unified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is the need of the day.

Secondly
, advocates of cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
believe that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is unified
and every human being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
talking
in the same way
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the cultural values of that society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an assumption and in reality it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to discover more cultures.
Additionally
, our knowledge of forgotten cultures of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
will
also
increase which we are not able to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those cultures are of local value.
Similarly
, survey of Time Magazine in 2016
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 60%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reject that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of any harm to the norms of the society if unified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is applied
on the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in favor of globalized speaking system.

To conclude
, globalization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
no doubt, creates doubt among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are unaware of the benefits of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. And I
am satisfied
with the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is globalizing nowadays. In the future, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
real benefits of this when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand the importance of this globalization.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay some people believe that students should attend field trips such as visiting zoos, museums or parks to learn knowledge. Others believe that students should stay in classrooms to learn knowledge. What is your opinion on this issue? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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