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Some people believe that students should attend field trips such as visiting zoos, museums or parks to learn knowledge. Others believe that students should stay in classrooms to learn knowledge. What is your opinion on this issue? v.1

Some people believe that students should attend field trips such as visiting zoos, museums or parks to learn knowledge. Others believe that students should stay in classrooms to learn knowledge. What is your opinion on this issue? v. 1
Due to the contribution of the technology, like electronic devices, mobile phones have become part of the daily life. That is why some opine that the cell phone has had an adverse effect on the social interaction. However, I disagree with this notion. A number of arguments surround my opinion. To begin with, mobile phones have not destroyed social interaction; they have merely changed it. Now people don’t meet each other face to face, they are connected to each other through this marvel of technology. Various options of the mobile sets allow to be connected with all around him, even with a long lost friends and neighbours. Inside a handset we can have contact numbers and can get informed if someone calls even when the set is switched off. So nobody is beyond the reach over very long distant, internet browsing, email checking options through cell phone also have made our life easier and one can get the latest news of any member over a second of the time within his social circle. Earlier, when a person is away from home, he was cut off from his family till he returned. But, today he is connected with them all time. Furthermore, it would not be wrong to say that social interaction has greatly enhanced because of this technology godsend. Earlier people had friends only in their propinquity, but now it is possible to have a large number of friends from the whole world. It goes without saying that today’s youngsters have the largest social network that ever in the history of the mankind. Undoubtedly, face to face interactions have come down, but that is because of the fast paced lifestyle. Over the last half century, our lifestyles have changed beyond our wildest expectations. To survive in this. 24/7 society and to keep up with the Jones’ people have become workaholics. This is the main reason of the loss of the social interaction. The mobile phones only help the people stay interconnected in today’s time. To sum up, cell phones have not lessened social interaction, they have merely changed the way of interaction and they have in many ways increased the social network of the people.
Due to the contribution of the technology, like electronic devices, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have become part of the daily life.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has had an adverse effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
.
However
, I disagree with this notion. A number of arguments surround my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
; they have
merely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
, they
are connected
to each other through this marvel of technology. Various options of the mobile sets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to
be connected
with all around him, even with a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lost
friends and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. Inside a handset we can have contact numbers and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
informed if someone calls even when the set
is switched
off.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
nobody is beyond the reach over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long distant, internet browsing, email checking options through cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
also
have made our life easier and one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the latest news of any member over a second of the time within his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
circle. Earlier, when a person is away from home, he was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off from his family till he returned.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
he
is connected
with them all time.

Furthermore
, it would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
has
greatly
enhanced
because of this
technology godsend. Earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their propinquity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is possible to have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
friends from the whole world. It goes without saying that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s youngsters have the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network that ever in the history of the mankind.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced lifestyle. Over the last half century, our lifestyles have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
beyond our wildest expectations. To survive in this. 24/7 society and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the Jones’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become workaholics. This is the main reason of the loss of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
. The mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay interconnected in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s time.

To sum up, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have not lessened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
, they have
merely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interaction and
they have in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that students should attend field trips such as visiting zoos, museums or parks to learn knowledge. Others believe that students should stay in classrooms to learn knowledge. What is your opinion on this issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
365 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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