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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Face book) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Face book) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1
Daily requirements have become very expensive in some nations, thus, there are negative effects on the public in their life style and on the whole community as a normal sequence, however, this issue must be handled and people have to cope with. So, they have to save more money and make a proper plan about paying the funds by cutting the non essential things and bad habits. Firstly, the increasement of living's cost affect negatively on the people mentally and physically, because they struggle to gain more money by doing another job, which will have an impact on the time that they spend with their family and growing up their children. For example, a family has to pay the fixed expenses like telephone bill and electricity bill monthly and cannot delay these payments, but the salary of this family is not too high to cover all these necessary payments, consequently, the responsible member of this family have to do other work to increase the income. Furthermore, the people themselves must play a positive role to overcome such issue, by getting rid of their horrible habits that they make on a daily basis and quitting any non essential thing that they pay for it. In fact, there are a lot of abominable traditions that might be done by people. For instance, turning on all the lights of home will increase the amount of the bill's electricity, also smoking habit which needs money to buy cigarettes, however, these negatives will increase the load on the family and make them struggle just to live normally. Hence, why do people continue in doing such things and they know well that they harm themselves? To summarize, increasing the cost of vital things is a shared issue between the government itself and also people that contribute to the society. So, the community members have to cooperate to solve it.
Daily requirements have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations,
thus
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the public in their life style and
on the whole
community as a normal sequence,
however
, this issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be handled
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope with.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
save more money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a proper plan about paying the funds by cutting the
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non essential
things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.

Firstly
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
increasement
of living's cost affect
negatively
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mentally and
physically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they struggle to gain more money by doing another job, which will have an impact on the time that they spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and growing up their children.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
expenses like telephone bill and electricity bill monthly and cannot delay these payments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the salary of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is not too high to cover all these necessary payments,
consequently
, the responsible member of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do other work to increase the income.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role to overcome such issue, by getting rid of their horrible habits that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
on a daily basis and quitting any
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non essential
thing that they pay for it. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
abominable traditions that might
be done
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

For instance
, turning on all the lights of home will increase the amount of the bill's electricity,
also
smoking habit which needs money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
cigarettes,
however
, these negatives will increase the load on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them struggle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
normally
.
Hence
, why do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continue in doing such
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
they know well that they harm themselves?

To summarize
, increasing the cost of vital things is a shared issue between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
itself and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that contribute to the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the community members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cooperate to solve it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Face book) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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