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Nowadays more and more people have access to the Internet But constant availability of any information worsens people s memory and critical thinking skills To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Nowadays more and more people have access to the Internet But constant availability of any information worsens people s memory and critical thinking skills v. 1
Nowadays, more and more people are wishing to explore different parts of the world. That's the reason tourism is one of the fastest growing industry right now and is generating huge revenues for the countries. I believe that tourism outweigh the disadvantages it brings to the community. To began with, tourism directly contributes to the country's economy. This is because it boosts the local business, which in turn generates higher tax payment to the state. For example, Pakistani government collected 10 billion of tax in the fiscal year 2018 alone because of the boost in local business, where average tax collection has been just 2 billion in the previous years. Secondly, tourism helps in improving the country's image in front of the world community. This is mainly because tourist always prefer to go to safe places and when they return to their home country, they tell their people about the security and hospitality of the ones nation. For instance, before 2018, Pakistan was considered as a terrorist state, however since 2019, when people from all around the world started visiting Pakistan, it changed the country's image from a terrorist state to a friendly state. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages of tourism but when compared with the advantages it brings are deniable. When most of the people go to other states to visit, they may not take care of the cleanliness of that area. They may throw waste on the roads which makes the area dirty and unhygienic. In other words, a lot of people came to Pakistan to visit the famous Karachi beach in 2019, but when they left the beach, they left all their waste at the beach which polluted the environment of the beach. To sum up, I believe that tourism favour the country's reputation in a number of ways. If the government introduces rules which stops the tourists from contributing to pollution, then it is advantageous to the state.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'wishing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are wishing
to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world. That's the reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is one of the fastest growing industry right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and is generating huge revenues for the countries. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
outweigh the disadvantages it brings to the community.

To began with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
directly
contributes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
economy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it boosts the local business, which in turn generates higher tax payment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
.
For example
, Pakistani
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
collected 10 billion of tax in the fiscal year 2018 alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the boost in local business, where average tax collection has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
2 billion in the previous years.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
image in front of the world community. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
tourist always prefer to go to safe places and when they return to their home country, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the security and hospitality of the ones nation.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
2018, Pakistan
was considered
as a terrorist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
,
however
since 2019, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
visiting Pakistan, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
image from a terrorist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
to a friendly state.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when compared with the advantages it brings are deniable. When most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
to visit, they may not take care of the cleanliness of that area. They may throw waste on the roads which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the area dirty and unhygienic.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
came to Pakistan to visit the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Karachi beach in 2019,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the beach, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
all their waste at the beach which polluted the environment of the beach.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
reputation in a number of ways. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
introduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
the tourists from contributing to pollution, then it is advantageous to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people have access to the Internet But constant availability of any information worsens people s memory and critical thinking skills v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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