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Some people believe that sports should be a compulsory at school, while others believe that it should optional. Discuss both sides. v.2

Some people believe that sports should be a compulsory at school, while others believe that it should optional. v. 2
Sport has been a field which arouses public attention for a few decades. While it is recommended to be an obligatory subject in training programs for schoolchildren, sport is also argued to be optional by other citizens. On the one hand, there are two major reasons for which schools should adopt a policy forcing children to take up sports. With respect to health, sports are considered to be a helpful physical activity that can tighten our muscles and burn exceeding calories. Therefore, researchers have indicated that if children play sports on a regular basis, they will be less likely to suffer from many dangerous illnesses, such as diabetes, obesity of cardiovascular diseases. In other words, when regarding sports as compulsory subjects, schools will contribute to health promotion for youngsters. With respect to skills, thanks to sports, institutions are able to assure a comprehensive development for students. Indeed, collective sports like football or volleyball are expected to equip children with a whole array of essential interpersonal skills, such as teamwork or leadership, which are often ignored if they learn academic subjects only. On the other hand, others believe that sports should be restricted as an option only due to several causes. Firstly, many sports have a high probability of injuries. Thus, parents often hesitate to allow their children to take up sports since if injuries occur, their academic performances will be negatively influenced or even interrupted. Secondly, sport glorifies victories and superiorities. Therefore, it has been concerned that this will foster competitive spirits, which result in a win-at-all-cost attitude, aggressive behavior or cheating. In conclusion, while making sports compulsory at schools will bring about advantages, it is also understandable if they are only optional.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
has been a field which arouses public attention for a few decades. While it
is recommended
to be an obligatory subject in training programs for schoolchildren,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
also
argued to be optional by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
citizens.

On the one hand, there are two major reasons for which schools should adopt a policy forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. With respect to health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are considered
to be a helpful physical activity that can tighten our muscles and burn exceeding calories.
Therefore
, researchers have indicated that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on a regular basis, they will be less likely to suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
illnesses, such as diabetes, obesity of cardiovascular diseases. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, when regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as compulsory subjects, schools will contribute to health promotion for youngsters. With respect to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, institutions are able to assure a comprehensive development for students.
Indeed
, collective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like football or volleyball are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a whole array of essential interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as teamwork or leadership, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
if they learn academic subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be restricted
as an option
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to several causes.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have a high probability of injuries.
Thus
, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hesitate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
since if injuries occur, their academic performances will be
negatively
influenced or even interrupted.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
glorifies victories and
Possible spelling mistake found.
superiorities
.
Therefore
, it has
been concerned
that this will foster competitive spirits, which result in a win-at-all-cost attitude, aggressive behavior or cheating.

In conclusion
, while making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
compulsory at schools will bring about advantages, it is
also
understandable if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
optional.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that sports should be a compulsory at school, while others believe that it should optional. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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