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In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies What do you think are the causes of this What solutions can you suggest v.3

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies What do you think are the causes of this What solutions can you suggest v. 3
In many countries now, young people have to spend almost their time on class and study. Therefore, they have little time for their recreation or their interest, which may lead to their stressful life. In the first place, this phenomenon may derive from several causes, which were both subjective and objective. To specify, one reason why young people have to work hard on study is their parent' s pressure. Parents now always expect the success of their children and they believe education is the only way to become successful. Hence, they will push their children to study all the time. For instance, in some cities of Viet Nam, many parents force their kid to go to the extra-class in the evening after the whole day of hard studying at school. Moreover, another reason is that the world now are becoming more and more competitive, which will be a trigger for young people to study harder on purpose of better job opportunities and bright future. So, what are the proper solutions for this? A way to solve this is that the school can reduce the number of tests and exams, which will lighten the pressure on youngsters. For example, in Finland, there is no test and exam for students in primary school, secondary school and high school, which enable children to have more time for their leisure and others social activities. In addition to this, the teachers or educational experts should advice parents how to arrange their children' s study in an effective way, which will diminish the extra class for students. Besides, students also should design their own study plan, which helps them the better time management for study and leisure activities. In conclusion, although it is obvious that studying is the main role of children, they still should be encouraged to take part in more recreational activities or social works, which will give them many lessons and experience for their future development.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend almost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Therefore
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their recreation or their interest, which may lead to their stressful life.

In the
first
place, this phenomenon may derive from several causes, which were both subjective and objective. To specify, one reason why young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s pressure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the success of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they believe education is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to become successful.
Hence
, they will push their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cities of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force their kid to go to the extra-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in the evening after the whole day of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Moreover
, another reason is that the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are becoming more and more competitive, which will be a trigger for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
harder on purpose of better job opportunities and bright future.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, what are the proper solutions for this? A way to solve this is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and exams, which will lighten the pressure on youngsters.
For example
, in Finland, there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
and exam for students in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their leisure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
social activities.
In addition
to this, the teachers or educational experts should
The word 'advise' is a noun. Did you mean "advise" (verb)?
advice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
how to arrange their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
, which will diminish the extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for students.
Besides
, students
also
should design their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
plan, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and leisure activities.

In conclusion
, although it is obvious that studying is the main role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they
still
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in more recreational activities or social works, which will give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lessons and experience for their future development.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies What do you think are the causes of this What solutions can you suggest v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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