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Some people believe that sports should be a compulsory at school, while others believe that it should optional. Discuss both sides. v.1

Some people believe that sports should be a compulsory at school, while others believe that it should optional. v. 1
Some people consider working for the same organization during all their years of employment while some have a thought that it is better to be employed by different organizations throughout their working lives. While both these options have their advantages and disadvantages, I opine that it is better to work for different organizations just because of the experience and exposure one can get. That said, working for the same organization all their lives also has the advantage of retaining the reputation and respect garnered in the office. For example, when a person works for a single company throughout their working life which can contribute to around 35 years, they are bound to gain respect as loyal, senior employees. The technical aspects are also an advantage as it allows the person to be consistent and fluent in what they do since they have this experience of doing the same thing over and over again. However, working for different companies in a lifetime exposes the employee to different levels of work, as well as people. People who like a bit of challenge are generally encouraged to work in different environments just because it allows them to pursue their career in a challenging scope. Working with multiple organizations also helps the individual financially while also testing their ability to do the work. For example, an employee who loves a challenge will never settle for a job in which he's required to repeat the same work for a longer period. In conclusion, I would be inclined to work for different organizations just because I get the ability to adapt and survive in a completely different environment and not settle in a corner. Moreover, doing the same job for a lengthier period is bound to make life monotonous and boring. However, if the employee reaches a level of saturation after which the motivation to scale up is lost, choosing to work for a financially supportive organization alone is acceptable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
during all their years of employment while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it is better to
be employed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While both these options have their advantages and disadvantages, I opine that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the experience and exposure one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.

That said,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
all their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
also
has the advantage of retaining the reputation and respect garnered in the office.
For example
, when a person works for a single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life which can contribute to around 35 years, they
are bound
to gain respect as loyal, senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. The technical aspects are
also
an advantage as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the person to be consistent and fluent in what they do since they have this experience of doing the same thing over and over again.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in a lifetime exposes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who like a bit of challenge are
generally
encouraged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
environments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to pursue their career in a challenging scope.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
with multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the individual
financially
while
also
testing their ability to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
a challenge will never settle for a job in which he's required to repeat the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a longer period.

In conclusion
, I would
be inclined
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the ability to adapt and survive in a completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
environment and not settle in a corner.
Moreover
, doing the same job for a lengthier period
is bound
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life monotonous and boring.
However
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
reaches a level of saturation after which the motivation to scale up
is lost
, choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
financially
supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
alone is acceptable.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that sports should be a compulsory at school, while others believe that it should optional. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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