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q1#1 Talk about a time when you accomplished something you did not think you coulddo. What did you accomplish? Why did you think you could not do it? # v.1

q1#1 Talk about a time when you accomplished something you did not think you coulddo. What did you accomplish? Why did you think you could not do it? # v. 1
Top ranked universities attract graduate students from across the world. Although some of the students relocate to a different place, away from home, for studies. Many live with their immediate family members. In this essay we will discuss few advantages and disadvantages in both the situations. Living with families, Students are generally protected and lack real world life experiences. They get very few opportunities to face real issues as parents manage the finances and other daily tasks around the home. For instance, parents usually pay for the tuition and handle the work related to maintaining the home and services, like handling payment of bill, monthly budgeting and paying rent. In contrast, Students living away from home usually feel homesick and spend more time travelling back and forth. For example, First time graduates staying away from family might miss being with family and feel isolated. In addition, They spend more time in travel to be together with family for occasions and holidays. Students with living with the families could concentrate more on studies and important activities. In addition, they have more time to handle the demand with higher education. Mundane tasks like paying rent, grocery shopping are taken care by someone. Also, No travel is needed for occasions as they are in the same house. On the other hand, Graduates staying away from the family gain critical real world life experiences of meeting people from different cultural background and learning to be more organized. As an example, They need to share the housing unit with students from different cultural background and are forced to interact with them. They also need to plan all the activities themselves. In conclusion, There are many advantages and disadvantages with both the situation. Their benefits are in different areas. The advantages of staying away is more than students staying with the family as students gain more real life experiences.
Top ranked universities attract graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from across the world. Although
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
relocate to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home, for studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. In this essay we will discuss few advantages and disadvantages in both the situations.

Living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are
generally
protected and lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
world life experiences. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few opportunities to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
issues as parents manage the finances and other daily tasks around the home.
For instance
, parents
usually
pay for the tuition and handle the work related to maintaining the home and services, like handling payment of bill, monthly budgeting and paying rent.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home
usually
feel homesick and spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
travelling back and forth.
For example
,
First
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
might miss being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and feel isolated.
In addition
, They spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in travel to be together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for occasions and holidays.

Students with living with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
could concentrate more on studies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
activities.
In addition
, they have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to handle the demand with higher education. Mundane tasks like paying rent, grocery shopping
are taken
care by someone.
Also
, No travel
is needed
for occasions as they are in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
On the other hand
, Graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
gain critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
world life experiences of meeting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultural background and learning to be more organized. As an example, They need to share the housing unit with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultural background and
are forced
to interact with them. They
also
need to plan all the activities themselves.

In conclusion
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages and disadvantages with both the situation. Their benefits are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
areas. The advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
is more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life experiences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay q1#1 Talk about a time when you accomplished something you did not think you coulddo. What did you accomplish? Why did you think you could not do it? # v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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