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In some countries, the average weight of children is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v.2

Despite being aware of the hazardous impact of obesity on health, people around the world are aggravating than they used to be. This essay will discuss the major causes of this issue and suggest some vital solutions to untangle it. The main causes of increasing body weight and decreasing fitness levels are the sluggish lifestyles of people and excessive usage of junk food. Fast food companies are investing in advertisements to promote their products on TV and the internet. As we know, these commercials make unhealthy food seem extremely tempting. As a result, people especially children unconsciously want to cram unhealthy foods. Unfortunately, excessive consumption of fast food leads to obesity. Another factor enhancing cases of obesity is the sluggish lifestyle of people. Due to the growing school and work pressure, children, as well as adults, do not have spare time to work out. In spite of that, even when people are free, instead of working out in a gym, they prefer to watch a movie on the TV or computer. This way of life has a negative impact on their health. When it comes to solutions, there are several solutions for untangling this issue. Promoting health awareness among people and eliminating food advertisements are the best ways to untangle this issue. Once humanity is aware of the negative effect of obesity, they are more likely to take action to change their lifestyle. Another solution is to ban misleading food advertisements that target children. Punishing these companies may be a solution, so all these factors and solutions depend on the government. To conclude, humanity shouldn’t underestimate the growing cases of obesity and should assemble to be strong opponents in front of these troubles.
Despite being aware of the hazardous impact of obesity on health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world are aggravating than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. This essay will discuss the major causes of this issue and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to untangle it.

The main causes of increasing body weight and decreasing fitness levels are the sluggish lifestyles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and excessive usage of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are investing in advertisements to promote their products on TV and the internet. As we know, these commercials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
seem
extremely
tempting.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
children
unconsciously
want to cram unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Unfortunately, excessive consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
leads to obesity.

Another factor enhancing cases of obesity is the sluggish lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Due to the growing school and work pressure, children,
as well
as adults, do not have spare time to work out.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
that, even when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are free,
instead
of working out in a gym, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie on the TV or computer. This way of life has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their health.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
for untangling this issue. Promoting health awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and eliminating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertisements are the best ways to untangle this issue. Once humanity is aware of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of obesity, they are more likely to take action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyle. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is to ban misleading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertisements that target children. Punishing these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
all these factors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
depend on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To conclude
, humanity shouldn’t underestimate the growing cases of obesity and should assemble to be strong opponents in front of these troubles.
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Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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