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Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. v. 5
There are both physical and economical reasons to perform exercise. Nowadays, there has been a positive trend that game has gained popularity in the society. However, others think that sport is just for fun in spare time. This essay will highlight both points of views and express an opinion at the end. It is undeniable that physical activity plays vital role in the community. There are several reasons that local citizens can be benefitted by doing workouts on a daily basis. Firstly, one of the main reasons is that the game creates employment opportunities for the number of local residents. Several countries conduct national and international programs regularly, such as football, crickets, badminton and running race. So, it gives a chance to player to represent their nation through athletics in the world that helps in the development of the society. Secondly, Wining of championships, and money assists the personal growth of the players and advancement of the community. This is because the money always circulates within the state as the more and more circulation make the state prosperity. In addition, by playing games, people can become healthier than ever before because of releasing toxic elements from the body. For instance, the number of obesity and heart attack has decreased throughout the world because of doing regular exercise. On the other hand, others think that athletics are nothing more than a pastime activity. The primary reasons is that everyone does not have the abilities and potentials to become professional players. So, people generally the elderly do exercise for relaxing their mind and body. Apart from this, several families see the games as the way of interacting and strengthening the sense of belonging to their relatives and friends, especially during festivals and vacations. Likewise, youngsters prefer to do physical movement to reduce work overloads and stress. To conclude this, Although, game plays a significant role in the community, some individual considers it for diversion. I tend to believe that sports are extremely indispensable for staying physically and mentally fit as well as for the development of the society.
There are both physical and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to perform exercise. Nowadays, there has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend that game has gained popularity in the society.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that sport is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for fun in spare time. This essay will highlight both points of views and express an opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

It is undeniable that physical activity plays vital role in the community. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that local citizens can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
by doing workouts on a daily basis.
Firstly
, one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is that the game creates employment opportunities for the number of local residents. Several countries conduct national and international programs
regularly
, such as football, crickets, badminton and running race.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it gives a chance to player to represent their nation through athletics in the world that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the development of the society.
Secondly
, Wining of championships, and money assists the personal growth of the players and advancement of the community. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the money always circulates within the state as the more and more circulation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the state prosperity.
In addition
, by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can become healthier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of releasing toxic elements from the body.
For instance
, the number of obesity and heart attack has decreased throughout the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of doing regular exercise.

On the other hand
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that athletics are nothing more than a pastime activity. The primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is that everyone does not have the abilities and potentials to become professional players.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
generally
the elderly do exercise for relaxing their mind and body. Apart from this, several families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as the way of interacting and strengthening the sense of belonging to their relatives and friends,
especially
during festivals and vacations.
Likewise
, youngsters prefer to do physical movement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
work overloads and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

To conclude
this, Although, game plays a significant role in the community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individual considers it for diversion. I tend to believe that sports are
extremely
indispensable for staying
physically
and mentally fit
as well
as for the development of the society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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