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Some people believe that secondary or high school students should be taught how to use money management as it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people believe that secondary or high school students should be taught how to use money management as it is an important life skill. v. 1
It is commonly thought by some people that secondary or high school students should be given the knowledge of managing finances as it will be able to shape the course of their future. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this viewpoint as it is a skill that will be beneficial for them in numerous occasions in their life. First of all, one of the striking benefits of learning money management is that it will be able to provide a stable foundation for their life well before they step into the adulthood. For instance, if they manage the money given by their parents without wasting them inappropriately, they will be able to use the money to invest in banks or businesses which more often will stabilize their future. Moreover, this skill is crucial when they become adults. Nowadays, more and more individuals can be perceived whose life have become miserable and unfortunate owing to lack of money management. Additionally, the ability to handle cash is of paramount importance in employment in today’s world. To illustrate this, many employers and business are focusing on strict financial planning and processes. Therefore, in order to thrive in the current world, this skill is vital and if an individual adheres to these guidelines, that will be advantageous for the career progress. Hence, this competence must be nurtured in an individual from a young age. In summary, it is widely believed by some people that secondary or high school student must learn money management from a very young age. In my opinion, I completely agree with this since it will direct them into a better future and provide a stable foundation in both personal and corporate lives.
It is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that secondary or high school students should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the knowledge of managing finances as it will be able to shape the course of their future. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint as it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that will be beneficial for them in numerous occasions in their life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one of the striking benefits of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management is that it will be able to provide a stable foundation for their life well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they step into the adulthood.
For instance
, if they manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their parents without wasting them
inappropriately
, they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to invest in banks or businesses which more
The adverb 'often' is usually put between 'will' and 'stabilize'.
often will stabilize
their future.
Moreover
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is crucial when they become adults. Nowadays, more and more individuals can
be perceived
whose life have become miserable and unfortunate owing to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management.

Additionally
, the ability to handle cash is of paramount importance in employment in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world. To illustrate this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers and business are focusing on strict financial planning and processes.
Therefore
, in order to thrive in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is vital and if an individual adheres to these guidelines, that will be advantageous for the career progress.
Hence
, this competence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be nurtured
in an individual from a young age.

In summary, it is
widely
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that secondary or high school student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this since it will direct them into a better future and provide a stable foundation in both personal and corporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that secondary or high school students should be taught how to use money management as it is an important life skill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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