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Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money? v.1

that celebrities are paid far too much money? v. 1
It is sometimes argued that we pay many thousands of movie stars and famous sports players massive amount of money, especially in today’s entertainment focused world. In my opinion, it is so wrong to waste our money on those professions and I will explain why in this essay. First and foremost vital argument is that celebs are apparently less important than teachers, nurses and other social care workers. These professionals do works that have a direct impact on our daily lives. For example, when a person is injured from a road accident, he/she will definitely need the help of a doctor in lieu of a song to listen to or a movie to watch. A second illustration can be seen in the case of criminal activities like bank robbers or terrorism. In those emergent circumstances, the police force is all what we are in urgent need of in order to safeguard innocent citizens as opposed to singers or film superstars. Another dispute against the idea of extremely well-paid celebrities is that some of those public figures sometimes are poor role models for our younger generations. By this, I mean that such big names often waste their money on extravagant lifestyles, for instance, buying luxury cars or shopping for deluxe handbags on a weekly basis. Some of them even spread a negative idea that success can be achieved without finishing school. As a result of this, many children of ours might eventually get dropped out of school and become a burden to society in the long term. Again, we can see that famous people should not be overpaid in terms of creating equality in the general public and ensuring its proper function in the long run. In conclusion, it appears to me that it is totally absurd to pay enormous salaries for personalities whose jobs do not improve our quality of life on a daily basis.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that we pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
thousands of movie stars and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
sports players massive amount of money,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s entertainment focused world. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to waste our money on those professions and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

First
and foremost vital argument is that celebs are
apparently
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than teachers, nurses and other social care workers. These professionals do works that have a direct impact on our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, when a person
is injured
from a road accident, he/she will definitely need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a doctor in lieu of a song to listen to or a movie to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. A second illustration can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the case of criminal activities like bank robbers or terrorism. In those emergent circumstances, the police force is all what we are in urgent need of in order to safeguard innocent citizens as opposed to singers or film superstars.

Another dispute against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
extremely
well-paid celebrities is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of those public figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
are poor role models for our younger generations. By this, I mean that such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
names
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
waste their money on extravagant lifestyles,
for instance
, buying luxury cars or shopping for deluxe handbags on a weekly basis.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them even spread a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that success can
be achieved
without finishing school.
As a result
of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children of ours might
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
dropped out of school and become a burden to society in the long term. Again, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not be overpaid in terms of creating equality in the
Consider using "public".
general public
and ensuring its proper function in the long run.

In conclusion
, it appears to me that it is
totally
absurd to pay enormous salaries for personalities whose jobs do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our quality of life on a daily basis.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay that celebrities are paid far too much money? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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