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Some people believe that sciencetific research should be carried out strictly by government and private companies do not have such a right. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that sciencetific research should be carried out strictly by government and private companies do not have such a right. v. 2
It is commonly acceptable that the development of society cannot be separated by scientific researches. Many edge-cutting technologies are carried out by a private company serving as a commercial function; therefore, many people argued that those researches should be planned and limited by government in order to exert a better use. Personally, I completely agree this statement. On the one hand, scientific activities are more likely to success if they proposed by government, due to the plenty public resources and more suitable policy that can be approached by scientists. As consequence, the price of the final products might be more approachable to the public. For example, many necessary medicine researches such as vaccines are carried by governments or cooperated by different countries and it is definitely of benefit to humans. On the other hand, the quality of scientific researches and its results can be granted under the control of government. It is more common recently that in order to obtain the largest economic profits, many companies reduce the costs of scientific researches, ignoring the serious consequence to the customers. Moreover, some private companies which lack the sense of responsibility, deliberately conduct wrong scientific process to promote their existing products. Admittedly, scientific progresses might also benefit from excellent private companies which possess adequate capital and a nice social reputation. After all, it may be not restricted by government policies and might become more innovative with the support of potential profits. But it still needs some necessary regulations to prevent those researches from any accidents. In conclusion, scientific researches that carried by private companies, with sufficient funds, can be successful and beneficial. While, as far as I am concerned, more benefits than problems will surface when they are carried by the government.
It is
commonly
acceptable that the development of society cannot
be separated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
edge-cutting technologies
are carried
out by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
serving as a commercial function;
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
should
be planned
and limited by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in order to exert a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this statement.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
activities are more likely to success if they proposed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
public resources and more suitable policy that can
be approached
by scientists. As consequence, the price of the final products might be more approachable to the public.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
necessary medicine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
such as vaccines
are carried
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
or cooperated by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and it is definitely of benefit to humans.

On the other hand
, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
and its results can
be granted
under the control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. It is more common recently that in order to obtain the largest economic profits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
, ignoring the serious
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "to". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence to
the customers.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which lack the sense of responsibility,
deliberately
conduct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
process to promote their existing products.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
progresses might
also
benefit from excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which possess adequate capital and a nice social reputation.
After all
, it may be not restricted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
policies and might become more innovative with the support of potential profits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
still
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessary regulations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
from any accidents.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
that carried by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, with sufficient funds, can be successful and beneficial. While, as far as I
am concerned
, more benefits than problems will surface when they
are carried
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people believe that sciencetific research should be carried out strictly by government and private companies do not have such a right. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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