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Some people believe that sciencetific research should be carried out strictly by government and private companies do not have such a right. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that sciencetific research should be carried out strictly by government and private companies do not have such a right. v. 1
The last fifty years have seen an improvement in the medical care. Over that period, our lives have increased correspondingly to our parents or grandparents period. But the question inevitably arises is whether the advantage of the medical development has a positive result on our lives. Extending our lifetime is one of the serious challenges of the medicine. The therapies from today are definitely different from the past 50 years. This is thanks to the research and the development in the medical field. Before, people who were affected by cancer would have died immediately. While now, it is possible to cure this illness in most of the time due to a prevention system in addition to elaborating new treatments. As a result, people tend to live further and longer. On the other hand, there is a distinction of life expectancy and good health. As people go far into the years, they also develop more psychological disturbs including Alzheimer, depression, dementia. In this case, the Elderly are a cost for the society and the insurance as the treatments for these diseases are constants. Furthermore, the fact that our lives extend means that we also need more help, even for everyday tasks. It is common nowadays to have a maid or help from the family for different tasks. Moreover, if the Elderly couldn’t carry himself, he would probably go to a rest home. Hopefully, it’s not everybody’s case. To sum up, going ahead in the years should be in the best conditions, according to the improvement in the medical care. Furthermore, people all hope to live to 100 years by being in a good health without any serious diseases.
The last fifty years have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
an improvement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care. Over that period, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
have increased
correspondingly
to our parents or grandparents period.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the question
inevitably
arises is whether the advantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
development has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
result on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Extending our lifetime is one of the serious challenges of the medicine. The therapies from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are definitely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the past 50 years. This is thanks to the research and the development in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by cancer would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
immediately. While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it is possible to cure this illness in most of the time due to a prevention system
in addition
to elaborating new treatments.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
further
and longer.

On the other hand
, there is a distinction of life expectancy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go far into the years, they
also
develop more psychological disturbs including Alzheimer, depression, dementia.
In this case
, the Elderly are a cost for the society and the insurance as the treatments for these diseases are constants.

Furthermore
, the fact that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
extend means that we
also
need more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, even for everyday tasks. It is common nowadays to have a maid or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the family for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tasks.
Moreover
, if the Elderly couldn’t carry himself, he would
probably
go to a rest home.
Hopefully
, it’s not everybody’s case.

To sum up, going ahead in the years should be in the best conditions, according to the improvement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all hope to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
to 100 years by being in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health without any serious diseases.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that sciencetific research should be carried out strictly by government and private companies do not have such a right. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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