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Some people believe that reading stories from e book better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that reading stories from e book better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 2
In the past, there were no ebooks children used to read from printed books, however nowadays students are not interested in reading paper books they prefer to read something form mobile or computers or else they watch television or play mobile games in leisure time. I believe that reading stories from digital book has more advantages than playing indoor games. Learning by reading is important than watching TV and playing games as it is an active activity. Firstly, if children read more then they would have a better understanding of language such as good pronunciation and vocabulary. It also helps them in writing good content. secondly, ebook reading can develop a habit of reading, so in the future, it creates interest in reading and hence child can focus more on study as a result students can get a good score in exams. Sometime watching TV and playing games can also help children to gain significant knowledge. By playing games, imagination, power of children can develop and it helps them to imagine situations. However Children spend their valuable time watching cartoons or playing games on mobile and they can’t learn useful or important things from it. Moreover watching and playing games can give rise to health problems such as obesity and short sightedness. Although, Watching TV and playing games can help children to imagine but it has many drawbacks related to health. In my viewpoint reading ebooks help children for their better future as it will develop a habit of reading.
In the past, there were no
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebooks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to read from printed books,
however
nowadays students are not interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
paper books they prefer to read something form mobile or computers or else they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television or play mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in leisure time. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
stories from digital book has more advantages than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
indoor games.

Learning by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than watching TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as it is an active activity.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
read more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
they would have a better understanding of language such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pronunciation and vocabulary. It
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them in writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
content.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
can develop a habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the future, it creates interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and
hence
child can focus more on study
as a result
students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
score in exams.

Sometime watching TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain significant knowledge. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, imagination, power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to imagine situations.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
spend their valuable time watching cartoons or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mobile and
they can’t learn useful or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things from it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
watching and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can give rise to health problems such as obesity and short
Possible spelling mistake found.
sightedness
.

Although, Watching TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to imagine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks related to health. In my viewpoint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebooks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their better future as it will develop a habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that reading stories from e book better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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