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Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 1
When books were first invented and became popular, people debated whether they were a better alternative to oral narration. Nowadays, similar debates arose with the emergence of TV and computer games. In this essay, I will argue that each has its strengths and weaknesses and none could replace another. Reading stories can pique children's imagination in ways that visual media cannot. I remember devouring the Harry Potter series and draw up in my mind a whole magical world. I would not have been able to do that if I had watched the movies instead of reading the books first. What is great about books is that they allow readers more time to think and process the information given, and let them come up with their own version of the story. On the other hand, watching TV is better for people who like visuals. Whereas most books challenge readers to contemplate ideas and hidden meanings, TV and movies appeal to human senses, are faster means of information delivery and less demanding on the brain, thus becoming favorite entertainments of many. I have seen people binge-watch famous TV series such as Games of Throne and finish them within a few days. It would take much longer to finish the original books. Computer games, however, are different from both books and TV. Although they are largely seen as a form of entertainment, even the simplest games require coordination skills and some strategic thinking. In that sense, playing games is more active than reading and watching TV. You may also need to work with others in a team towards a shared goal, whilst reading and watching are more of solo activities. In conclusion, I believe that each has its own benefits and drawbacks and appeals to a certain group of people, and that none is better than the others. Children should be exposed to all these forms of media and instructed to consume them moderately. (327 words)
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
were
first
invented and became popular,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
debated whether they were a better alternative to oral narration. Nowadays, similar debates arose with the emergence of TV and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In this essay, I will argue that each has its strengths and weaknesses and none could replace another.

Reading stories can pique children's imagination in ways that visual media cannot. I remember devouring the Harry Potter series and draw up in my mind a whole magical world. I would not have been able to do that if I had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
the movies
instead
of reading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
first
. What is great about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
readers more time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and process the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
version of the story.

On the other hand
, watching TV is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like visuals. Whereas most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
challenge readers to contemplate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and hidden meanings, TV and movies appeal to human senses, are faster means of information delivery and less demanding on the brain,
thus
becoming favorite entertainments of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
binge-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
TV series such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
of Throne and finish them within a few days. It would take much longer to finish the original books.

Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
however
, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and TV. Although they are
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a form of entertainment, even the simplest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
require coordination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategic thinking. In that sense, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is more active than reading and watching TV. You may
also
need to work with others in a team towards a shared goal, whilst reading and watching are more of solo activities.

In conclusion
, I believe that each has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits and drawbacks and appeals to a certain group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and that none is better than the others. Children should
be exposed
to all these forms of media and instructed to consume them
moderately
.

(327 words)
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
322 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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