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Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To wat extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To wat extent v. 3
Nowadays, the majority of people claim that reading a novel might be best way, although watching series or playing games are popular things. This essay will outline with this approach and I am opinion of the reading stories in books is better way to understand and learn. To begin with, chiefly amusement of people has been changing by the help of technology and one of them is reading. Reading, which is printed a book, opens new idea and develop your brain. To illustrate, when a student starts read something, he can put himself characters. In addition to, He has limitless a theatre scene in his brain where everything is free and depends on his imagination. For this reason, these steps help people more efficiently to comment, criticize to the world. Furthermore, reading stories also propel children forward to develop their language, such as pronunciation and vocabulary. On the other hand, other approaches, which are watching series or playing games, avoid us to better think compared to reading. In the other words, they take us under their controls. This is because, we watch and play something without effort that is prepared by someone, and everything, which we see, aims to a person’s dream. Additionally, these things have a screen, which is colourful, and addict to children easily. As a result, individual will lose abilities and health by sitting in front of the monitor and be a machine. To sum up, I reiterate my opinion that I completely agree with reading allows us to explore to the world compared to watching TV or playing on computers.
Nowadays, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a novel might
A determiner is probably missing here: "be the best".
be best
way, although watching series or playing games are popular things. This essay will outline with this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
approach and
I am opinion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
stories in books is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a better".
better
way to understand and learn.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
chiefly
amusement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has been changing by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology and one of them is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
, which
is printed
a book, opens new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and develop your brain. To illustrate, when a student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
read something, he can put himself characters.
In addition
to, He has limitless a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
scene in his brain where everything is free and depends on his imagination.
For this reason
, these steps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more
efficiently
to comment, criticize to the world.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
stories
also
propel children forward to develop their language, such as pronunciation and vocabulary.

On the other hand
, other approaches, which are watching series or playing games, avoid us to better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. In the other words, they take us under their controls. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and play something without effort that
is prepared
by someone, and everything, which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, aims to a person’s dream.
Additionally
, these things have a screen, which is
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
, and addict to children
easily
.
As a result
, individual will lose abilities and health by sitting in front of the monitor and be a machine.

To sum up, I reiterate my opinion that I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to explore to the world compared to watching TV or playing on computers.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To wat extent v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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