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Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. How far do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.2

Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. How far v. 2
In our contemporary life, it has always been a controversial issue over whether the elementary curriculum should include technological skills, specifically computer ones. As far as I am concerned, I firmly support this belief and my reasons are outlined below. We may point out the indisputable fact that computer skill plays an indispensable role in the developing world; hence children should learn them as soon as possible. A prime example of this would be that in the 1800s, when computers had not been invented yet, three main subjects, namely Mathematics, reading and writing were pivotal for the young then. Moving on to the present, in which computers have already appeared, the compulsory subjects should be comprised of not only the aforementioned counterparts, but also technology as well, since technology has now been in existence in a number of aspects of our lives, namely education and cooking. Another key rationale underpinning this view is that computer skills can bring a plethora of other skills to primary children, like cooperative, controlling and communication skills, just to name a few, which can help them to be better-equipped for the future. For instance, during the Coronavirus pandemic, children are advised to stay at home and study; therefore, their skill in using technological devices to connect with other people is of paramount importance. By this I mean, when studying with classmates and teachers on the Internet, the young ought to interact with them to get the best out of the lesson (co-operative skills); they must resist the temptation to entertain during studying period (controlling skills); and they have to communicate with each other during a group discussion (communication skills). On the one hand, it is understandable why some individuals are of the fervent conviction that the young individuals can be addicted to online video games for example. Advocates of such a view would argue that the young counterparts can abandon their studies and dive in the seemingly dangerous virtual world. On the other hand, such a scenario is exaggerated because of the fact that a large number of technological devices are now equipped with Kids mode. A prime example would be that YouTube, the number one online video-sharing platform in the world, has recently invented an app called YouTube kids, which prevent inappropriate content and limit the children’s screen time. This will eventually help prevent excessive entertainment from the young. To summarize, I would therefore say that there are justifiable grounds for advocating the view that elementary schools should include technological skills as one of the compulsory subjects.
In our contemporary life, it has always been a controversial issue over whether the elementary curriculum should include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
specifically
computer ones. As far as I
am concerned
, I
firmly
support this belief and my reasons
are outlined
below.

We may point out the indisputable fact that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
plays an indispensable role in the developing world;
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn them as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. A prime example of this would be that in the 1800s, when computers had not
been invented
yet
, three main subjects,
namely
Mathematics, reading and writing were pivotal for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
then. Moving on to the present, in which computers have already appeared, the compulsory subjects should
be comprised
of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the aforementioned counterparts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
technology
as well
, since technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
been in existence in a number of aspects of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
namely
education and cooking.

Another key rationale underpinning this view is that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can bring a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, like cooperative, controlling and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to name a few, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be better-equipped for the future.
For instance
, during the Coronavirus pandemic,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are advised
to stay at home and study;
therefore
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
devices to connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
of paramount importance. By this I mean, when studying with classmates and teachers on the Internet, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ought to interact with them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best out of the lesson (co-operative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills)
; they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
resist the temptation to entertain during studying period (controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills)
; and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
during a group discussion (communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
).

On the one hand, it is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are of the fervent conviction that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals can
be addicted
to online video games
for example
. Advocates of such a view would argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
counterparts can abandon their studies and dive in the
seemingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
virtual world. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, such a scenario
is exaggerated
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
devices are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
equipped with Kids mode. A prime example would be that YouTube, the number one online video-sharing platform in the world, has recently invented an app called YouTube kids, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
inappropriate content and limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
screen time. This will
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
excessive entertainment from the young.

To summarize
, I would
therefore
say that there are justifiable grounds for advocating the view that elementary schools should include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as one of the compulsory subjects.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. How far v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
423 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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