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Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 6
Reading story books have recently been claimed to be more beneficial for children than watching television or playing e-games on the computer. For kids who are book addicts, this is absolutely true since nothing can be compared with enjoying a story. First off, TV watching is inferior to story book reader. The former is associated with the habit of 'watching' rather than 'reading' whereas the latter is the opposite. Some might say that the two are very similar for anyone involved needs to use their eyes. Reasonable as it is, those who believe so do not really take into consideration the point that readers can stop at a page and contemplate about it for as long as possible, especially when it comes to hard-to-understand stories, such as mystery books. Second of all, reading story books is also superior to playing computer games. Admittedly, being engaged in game playing on the computer is undeniably great fun as a wonderful stress reliever, but games are games only. However, story book reading is associated with a multitude of educational benefits, one of which is the cultivation of the emotions. In this current world, fewer and fewer people have any interest in enjoying a short story or a novel, so they need to be immersed in this environment at an early age. The earlier the better. If children laugh or cry with the characters in a story, they will gradually develop feelings of loving other human beings in real life. In conclusion, my perspective concerning the great joy gained from reading story books has been clarified. This actually might not be highly appreciated by children with other interests. In this technological world, it is not surprising that the majority of kids prefer to be engaged elsewhere. Each to his own.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
have recently
been claimed
to be more beneficial for children than watching television or playing e-games on the computer. For kids who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
addicts, this is
absolutely
true since nothing can
be compared
with enjoying a story.

First
off, TV watching is inferior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
reader. The former
is associated
with the habit of 'watching'
rather
than 'reading' whereas the latter is the opposite.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
might say that the two are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar for anyone involved needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their eyes. Reasonable as it is, those who believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do not
really
take into consideration the point that readers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
at a page and contemplate about it for as long as possible,
especially
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-to-understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
, such as mystery books.

Second of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is
also
superior to playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Admittedly
,
being engaged
in game playing on the computer is
undeniably
great fun as a wonderful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is associated
with a multitude of educational benefits, one of which is the cultivation of the emotions. In this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world, fewer and fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have any interest in enjoying a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
or a novel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need to
be immersed
in this environment at an early age.
Duplicated 'the' in the phrase: 'The earlier the'. Did you mean "earlier the"?
The earlier the
better. If children laugh or cry with the characters in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
, they will
gradually
develop feelings of loving other human beings in real life.

In conclusion
, my perspective concerning the great joy gained from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
has
been clarified
. This actually might not be
highly
appreciated by children with other interests. In this technological world, it is not surprising that the majority of kids prefer to
be engaged
elsewhere. Each to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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