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How social media influence our daily communication and social behaviour. v.2

How social media influence our daily communication and social behaviour. v. 2
Morden technology has become our everyday activity, including gaining knowledge as well as transportation. Social media is one of the most common technology we use nowadays, furthermore, bending in our everyday transmissions and the way we work around this aspect. There are a number of reasons of how it affects our daily lives and this essay will explain why. These transitions influence our daily communications in different ways. One of them is faster information receiving. While only having a phone in your hands, you can obtain fresh news from anywhere. For example, you can acquire the latest news unlike waiting a mail to get delivered. Another reason is convenience. People can talk to each other without needing to meet each other, which increase the messages exchanging around. Therefore, you can know what is happening to the other side of the world without needing to travel. Social media helps our day to day basis faster and more convenient. However, does this technology affect how we behave as well? As we use this more and more, we work our lives rotating it in a few ways. Firstly, we wake up to brush our teeth in the morning, despite this, now we wake up in the morning to look at our phones and receive the latest messages. Secondly, we socialize with our friends in person, in spite of this, people tend to talk to their friends through social media currently. Thirdly, people in restaurants share the food through social media rather than enjoying the food. Thus, this has affected our behaviours in a number of ways. In concluding, this essay discussed how social media influence our daily communication, such as, faster news receiving and convenience. In addition, this essay discussed about how it affects our social behaviour in a few ways.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morden
technology has become our everyday activity, including gaining knowledge
as well
as transportation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is one of the most common technology we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
nowadays,
furthermore
, bending in our everyday transmissions and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
we work around this aspect. There are a number of reasons of how it affects our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

These transitions influence our daily communications in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. One of them is faster information receiving. While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
having a phone in your hands, you can obtain fresh news from anywhere.
For example
, you can acquire the latest news unlike waiting a mail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
delivered. Another reason is convenience.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can talk to each other without needing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other, which increase the messages exchanging around.
Therefore
, you can know what is happening to the other side of the world without needing to travel.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
basis faster and more convenient.

However
, does this technology affect how we behave
as well
? As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this more and more, we work our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
rotating it in a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
Firstly
, we wake up to brush our teeth in the morning, despite this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we wake up in the morning to look at our phones and receive the latest messages.
Secondly
, we socialize with our friends in person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to talk to their friends through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
currently
.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in restaurants share the food through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
rather
than enjoying the food.
Thus
, this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
in a number of ways.

In concluding, this essay discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
influence our daily communication, such as, faster news receiving and convenience.
In addition
, this essay
Did you mean simply "discussed how"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about how
it affects our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay How social media influence our daily communication and social behaviour. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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