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Some people prefer to spend lives doing the same things and avoiding change. others, however think that change is always a good thing Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people prefer to spend lives doing the same things and avoiding change. others, however think that change is always a good thing 1
It is true that few people like to engage with regular heritage and strictly fix with that. But others, are not being like that, they always welcome the changes and cope with new changes. People argue that this is acceptable, others do not support this. However, I believe change is important. On the one hand, a growing number of people argue that development is unavoidable. They claim that advancement is the basic fundamental for human evolution, which always drives every individual to new creative things. For example, since the Stone Age, our ancestors are coped with changes to survive. In that era, they live their life with the basic level, but they were ready to accept the changes and their needs, therefore, they found fire moreover, the way of doing agriculture. If they were living their life, in the same way, we never would live this sophisticated life. Hence for the best life diversity is important. On the other hand, a few sections of people think that it is unnecessary. Because it will affect the heritage, as a result of these rapid changes, every citizen in the global affecting to some extent which leads to big danger to all the living things. For instance, currently, the world facing the big threat of global warming, consequence, there are plenty of humans clash with disasters around the world, yet, it is will increase than used to be. Thus, these people stay away from the changes. In conclusion, both sides have their positive as well as negative effects, however, in my opinion, change is essential to learn new things and realize our full potential. What is more, change makes our life exciting.
It is true that few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to engage with regular heritage and
strictly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
with that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others, are not being like that, they always welcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and cope with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
argue that this is acceptable, others do not support this.
However
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that development is unavoidable. They claim that advancement is the basic fundamental for human evolution, which always drives every individual to new creative things.
For example
, since the Stone Age, our ancestors
are coped
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
to survive. In that era, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with the basic level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they were ready to accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and their needs,
therefore
, they found fire
moreover
, the way of doing agriculture. If they were living their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
in the same way
, we never would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
this sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
for the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
diversity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the other hand
, a few sections of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is unnecessary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it will affect the heritage,
as a result
of these rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, every citizen in the global affecting to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to all the living things.
For instance
,
currently
, the world facing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
threat of global warming, consequence, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of humans clash with disasters around the world,
yet
, it is will increase than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay away from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

In conclusion
, both sides have their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects,
however
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is essential to learn new things and realize our full potential.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
exciting.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to spend lives doing the same things and avoiding change. others, however think that change is always a good thing 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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