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In many countries, good schools and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for a few years, but others think everyone should be free to choose where they work. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answers and provide relevant example and experience you might have. v.1

In many countries, good schools and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for a few years, but others think everyone should be free to choose where they work. v. 1
Undeniably, educational institutions and specialised hospitals are located in the urban areas in almost all countries around the globe. To equalise these facilities among the citizens of a country, most of the people have the opinion that government should make regulations for compulsory rural service after the graduation by the professionals. Whereas others believe that it is an unethical interference with someone’s freedom. This essay delves both these views before arriving at a logical conclusion. On one hand, mandatory service after graduation by health professionals and educational faculty are astonishingly beneficial to the rural people. For instance compulsory, one-three years rural service for new teachers, doctors, dentists etc. will alleviate the scarcity of trained professionals in the village area. In addition, those who have qualified from the government institutions receiving a grant from the government have their responsibility to serve the government and the people. Moreover, because of brain drain system community is getting very less service from the talented professionals and compulsory work in rural areas by new doctors and teachers will ensure that they concentrate more on serving people rather than planning to migrate to a rich country. Rural people have to move to city areas for better treatment and for their children’s education and this has a negative consequence like overpopulation, increased crime rate and pollution in city areas. Adopting this strategy by the government will ensure a better distribution of the population in both rural and city areas. Finally professionals like doctors and teachers should focus primarily on serving people, not to amass fortunes. Unfortunately, teachers and doctors in many cases are far more concerned about money than helping people and few years’ compulsory work in rural areas at the begging of someone’s career would be a great leap toward appositive mind-setup by these professionals. On the other hand, some others believe that in an independent country everybody should have the freedom to decide where to work and where to live. Any restriction and mandatory rules would violate their rights and would cause them to become frustrated. These professionals would then dislike to work or stay in their homeland and will try to migrate to a foreign country. Furthermore, this should be a spontaneous decision made by a newly became doctor and teacher and should not be a forced decision. Hence the supporters of this view argue that compulsory work in rural areas is both unfair and harmful. Put everything into consideration, I personally feel that for a rapid and complete development of a nation both rural and city areas should get focus for facilities and development. The government should ensure the equal distribution of services and place new doctors and teachers in rural areas for few years would be a great idea to help rural people and also build a service oriented mentality among these young professionals.
Undeniably
, educational institutions and
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
hospitals
are located
in the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the globe. To
Possible spelling mistake. 'equalise' is British English.
equalise
these facilities among the citizens of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
regulations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
after the graduation by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
others believe that it is an unethical interference with someone’s freedom. This essay delves both these views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving at a logical conclusion.

On one hand, mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
after graduation by health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and educational faculty are
astonishingly
beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
, one-three years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, dentists etc. will alleviate the scarcity of trained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in the village
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
In addition
, those who have qualified from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
institutions receiving a grant from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have their responsibility to serve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of brain drain system community is getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
from the talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
by new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will ensure that they concentrate more on serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than planning to migrate to a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for better treatment and for their children’s education and this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "like". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence like
overpopulation, increased crime rate and pollution in city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Adopting this strategy by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will ensure a better distribution of the population in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
and city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should focus
primarily
on serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, not to amass fortunes. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases are far more concerned about money than helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and few years’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
at the begging of someone’s career would be a great leap toward appositive mind-setup by these professionals.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others believe that in an independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
everybody should have the freedom to decide where to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and where to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Any restriction and mandatory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
would violate their rights and would cause them to become frustrated. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
would then dislike to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or stay in their homeland and will try to migrate to a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Furthermore
, this should be a spontaneous decision made by a
newly
became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and should not be a forced decision.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the supporters of this view argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is both unfair and harmful.

Put everything into consideration, I
personally
feel that for a rapid and complete development of a nation both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
and city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
focus for facilities and development. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ensure the equal distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and place new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for few years would be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
oriented mentality among these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
75Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In many countries, good schools and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for a few years, but others think everyone should be free to choose where they work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
472 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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