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Even more people are spending most of their time at work nowadays, which leaves almost nothing for personal life. Do you think this trend has more advantages o disadvantages for people? v.1

Even more people are spending most of their time at work nowadays, which leaves almost nothing for personal life. Do you think this trend has more advantages o disadvantages for people? v. 1
Time has always had a great value for people because it cannot be replaced by anything else. However, people often choose to invest it in their professional life rather than their personal one. This essay will discuss why this trend has more disadvantages than advantages for people. To begin with, nowadays the time people spend on the job is increasing significantly. This could be seen as an advantage if we think about the opportunity work brings with it. For example, more work means more money, which leads to a better quality of life. Furthermore, a better quality of life brings with it another advantage, the evolution of society. This is strongly connected with the fast evolution of technology, the most important cause of the fact that people are working more than in the past. In fact, this is an interesting paradox; technology makes our life easier but, at the same time, it makes us work more. For instance, the mass production in a factory is mostly automatic; however, people are working more extra hours to produce more so to increase their incomes. Even if it looks like a chain of prosperity, in fact, it is a vicious one, due to the sacrifices it requires from people. On the other hand, more time spent at the work place means less time for private life. The greatest disadvantage, in my opinion, is that people are becoming less connected with themselves and with their families and close friends. For example, a person who spends ten hours at work has a very limited free time, and most of this is for regular domestic activities like cooking, shopping, maybe cleaning the house, so for communication with other people remain almost no time at all. If this person also has children, the situation will be even worse. Another important disadvantage is the lack of time to enjoy the achievements of the amount of work. For instance, many people have a lot of money, but they do not have time to spend it, and at some point they will come to realize that the time has passed and they have not much to be proud of it, because they are alone and with a boring life. Last but not least, too much work can cause serious health problems, both psychological and physical. Many people suffer because of stress, depression, heart diseases and so on. All in all, too much work can have serious negative effects on people. In conclusion, time is, probably, our most precious asset we can deal with. I consider that spending more time at work has more disadvantages than benefits in a long term. At the end of the day, we must find the balance between professional and private life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
has always had a great value for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it cannot
be replaced
by anything else.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
choose to invest it in their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
rather
than their personal one. This essay will discuss why this trend has more disadvantages than advantages for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend on the job is increasing
significantly
. This could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an advantage if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the opportunity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
brings with it.
For example
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
means more money, which leads to a better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, a better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
brings with it another advantage, the evolution of society. This is
strongly
connected with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
evolution of technology, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working more than in the past. In fact, this is an interesting paradox; technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more.
For instance
, the mass production in a factory is
mostly
automatic;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working more extra hours to produce more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to increase their incomes. Even if it looks like a chain of prosperity, in fact, it is a vicious one, due to the sacrifices it requires from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place means less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
, in my opinion, is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming less connected with themselves and with their families and close friends.
For example
, a person who spends ten hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and most of this is for regular domestic activities like cooking, shopping, maybe cleaning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for communication with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain almost no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at all. If this person
also
has children, the situation will be even worse. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
is the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy the achievements of the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend it, and at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to realize that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
passed and
they have not much to be proud of it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are alone and with a boring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can cause serious health problems, both psychological and physical.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, depression, heart diseases and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. All in all, too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can have serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is,
probably
, our most precious asset we can deal with. I consider that spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has more disadvantages than benefits in a long term. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find the balance between professional and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Even more people are spending most of their time at work nowadays, which leaves almost nothing for personal life. Do you think this trend has more advantages o disadvantages for people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
456 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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