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Some people believe that preserving natural environment is crucial, however, most make no effort to do so. Why do you think this is happening? What are some simple actions that could help the environment? v.2

Some people believe that preserving natural environment is crucial, however, most make no effort to do so. Why do you think this is happening? What are some simple actions that could help the environment? v. 2
It is commonly believed that preservation of natural resources is imperative, yet most of the people seem to exert no effort in doing so. Understanding some causes and mindset of such people may help to solve some of the trouble and safeguard or minimise the deteriorating environment. To embark with, lack of awareness is the foremost reason, why the vast majority of individuals appear to be the unmindful about the current situation. Normally, people have a tendency to deal with short term problems without predicting long term cause of such decision. This is due to they are not educated about formal issues about environment and they take detrimental effects of environment for granted. For example, residents of urban area release their daily utilization dirty water releases in a river or clean water canal. Even though they are aware that such action will clog the whole system, they still consider it as a short term solution. It is only when a devastating flood or other natural disaster occurs, then they come to realise their actions. However, some basic solutions can be applied to solve aforementioned basic issues. The first is, awareness campaign help by government. For instance, In India “Swatch Bharat” campaign got huge success, such that people are considering the cleanliness as priority and even volunteering to clean rivers and roads. In addition to the traditional press, social media is a powerful mean of passing information to every part of the nation. Besides this, a local ruling party can help the environment by taking steps to segregate the waste such as bio-degradable or non bio-degradable or recyclable waste. To put this in a nutshell, I believe that an individual’s awareness is the key to maintain the ecosystem. Concentrated efforts of every human being along with government’s aid are much more effective to achieve the environment saving goal.
It is
commonly
believed that preservation of natural resources is imperative,
yet
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to exert no effort in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Understanding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes and mindset of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to solve
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
trouble and safeguard or
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the deteriorating environment.

To embark with, lack of awareness is the foremost reason, why the vast majority of individuals appear to be the unmindful about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation.
Normally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to deal with short term problems without predicting long term cause of such decision. This is due to they are not educated about formal issues about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
environment and
they take detrimental effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for granted.
For example
, residents of urban area release their daily utilization dirty water releases in a river or clean water canal.
Even though
they are aware that such action will clog the whole system, they
still
consider it as a short term solution. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when a devastating flood or other natural disaster occurs, then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
their actions.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic solutions can
be applied
to solve aforementioned basic issues. The
first
is, awareness campaign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
For instance
, In India “Swatch Bharat” campaign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
huge success, such that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considering the cleanliness as priority and even volunteering to clean rivers and roads.
In addition
to the traditional press, social media is a powerful mean of passing information to every part of the nation.
Besides
this, a local ruling party can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
by taking steps to segregate the waste such as bio-degradable or non bio-degradable or recyclable waste.

To put this in a nutshell, I believe that an individual’s awareness is the key to maintain the ecosystem. Concentrated efforts of every human being along with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s aid are much more effective to achieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
saving goal.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that preserving natural environment is crucial, however, most make no effort to do so. Why do you think this is happening? What are some simple actions that could help the environment? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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