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Some people believe that preserving natural environment is crucial; however, most make no effort to do so. Why do you think this is happening? What are some simple actions that could help the environment? v.1

Some people believe that preserving natural environment is crucial; however, most make no effort to do so. Why do you think this is happening? What are some simple actions that could help the environment? v. 1
It is commonly believed that preservation of the environment is imperative, yet most people do absolutely nothing to save the planet. In this essay, I will first highlight certain problems which deteriorate our “Mother Earth” and then discuss the possible remedies for it. To begin with, lack of awareness programmes in schools is the foremost reason why the vast majority of the masses tend to neglect the environmental issues. Needless to say, unlike in the developed countries, school pupils of developing countries barely get educated about crucial issues pertaining to the environment. For instance, in Pakistan, the school curriculum does not include lessons on the environment. As a result, children become negligent and tend to take the environment for granted. If schools had made it mandatory to teach the subjects like, waste management and recycling, young people would grow up with a sense of responsibility towards the preservation of natural resources. Thus, local education commissions should take numerous initiatives to include the environmental sciences in educational syllabus. Similarly, corporations barely demonstrate a sense of commitment towards saving the planet from destruction. For example, despite the rules and regulations imposed by the government, factories exploit the legal loopholes and dump hazardous waste in the sea. Similarly, smoke from industrial chimneys is believed to be the major cause of global warming. This is because the companies ignore the long-term effects of such actions on our future generations for the sake of some short term gains. If establishments and manufacturers had taken, the detrimental effects of industrial pollution, in to consideration, planet earth would be cleaner and greener. To conclude, although preserving the natural resources is of immense importance, the educational bodies and corporate entities seem ignorant of this fact. If the children obtain theoretical and practical knowledge about this issue, and companies take responsibility of their waste management procedures, we can save the planet from further deterioration.
It is
commonly
believed that preservation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is imperative,
yet
most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do
absolutely
nothing to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
. In this essay, I will
first
highlight certain problems which deteriorate our “Mother Earth” and then discuss the possible remedies for it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, lack of awareness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is the foremost reason why the vast majority of the masses tend to neglect the environmental issues. Needless to say, unlike in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated about crucial issues pertaining to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
For instance
, in Pakistan, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum does not include lessons on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
As a result
, children become negligent and tend to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for granted. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
had made it mandatory to teach the subjects like, waste management and recycling, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would grow up with a sense of responsibility towards the preservation of natural resources.
Thus
, local education commissions should take numerous initiatives to include the environmental sciences in educational syllabus.

Similarly
, corporations
barely
demonstrate a sense of commitment towards saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
from destruction.
For example
, despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations imposed by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, factories exploit the legal loopholes and dump hazardous waste in the sea.
Similarly
, smoke from industrial chimneys
is believed
to be the major cause of global warming. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the long-term effects of such actions on our future generations for the sake of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
short term gains. If establishments and manufacturers had taken, the detrimental effects of industrial pollution, in to consideration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
earth would be cleaner and greener.

To conclude
, although preserving the natural resources is of immense importance, the educational bodies and corporate entities seem ignorant of this fact. If the children obtain theoretical and practical knowledge about this issue, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
take responsibility of their waste management procedures, we can save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
from
further
deterioration.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that preserving natural environment is crucial; however, most make no effort to do so. Why do you think this is happening? What are some simple actions that could help the environment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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