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Some people believe that playing a musical instrument can be beneficial in many different ways Others think it is a waste of time to play a musical instrument Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people believe that playing a musical instrument can be beneficial in many different ways Others think it is a waste of time to play a musical instrument 2
Nowadays, a rich variety of musical styles can be found around the world. People have different views on the issue of whether playing a musical instrument would be beneficial for individuals or not. I believe that music plays an important role in people' s lives and it has positive impacts on their personality and daily life. There are various reasons why I would argue that playing a musical instrument have positive effects on people. Firstly, music represent the history of each society and it shows the traditions and customs of different ethnic groups in various nations. Secondly, music brings a nice relaxation to people' s daily life since it helps them to soothe their mind and concentrate better on whatever they do. Finally, it help fellows to be more innovative and boost their imagination and productivity. To support my claim, I can refer to an article having been published in Times magazine, indicates that the high school students in USA who were playing a musical instrument were calmer and more creative in their educational career. I believe that the positive impacts of playing a musical instrument should not be neglected since it arouses emotions and touches the hearts easily. Moreover, it is one branch of science and many researches admit the potent effect of it on human being during the past decades. On the other hand, a group of people have strong attitudes against playing a musical instrument. They believe that it is a waste of time and individuals can be more productive if they allocate their time to do more important things such as developing their work skills or doing exercise. Furthermore, it is believed that music is a pastime and people should play it in their leisure time. Moreover, it would be more useful for children and pupils to concentrate on the academic courses instead of learning music since the schools' curriculum is already full and by eliminating this subject from time table they will have time for better choices such as learning a new language. A salient example of this is England that remove the music from high schools and it had a great impact on children' s prosperity in academic lessons. In conclusion, music not only is a popular hobby for people but also brings relaxation for them. Without music, the history of a nation would be vanished and the next generation would be strange to their past.
Nowadays, a rich variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
styles can
be found
around the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the issue of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
would be beneficial for individuals or not. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on their personality and daily life.

There are various reasons why I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
represent the history of each society and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the traditions and customs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ethnic groups in various nations.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings a nice relaxation to
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s daily life since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to soothe their mind and concentrate better on whatever they do.
Finally
, it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
fellows to be more innovative and boost their imagination and productivity. To support my claim, I can refer to an article having
been published
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
magazine, indicates that the high school students
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
who were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
were calmer and more creative in their educational career. I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
should not
be neglected
since it arouses emotions and touches the hearts
easily
.
Moreover
, it is one branch of science and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researches admit the potent effect of it on human being during the past decades.

On the other hand
, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have strong attitudes against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
. They believe that it is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and individuals can be more productive if they allocate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things such as developing their work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or doing exercise.
Furthermore
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a pastime and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should play it in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Moreover
, it would be more useful for children and pupils to concentrate on the academic courses
instead
of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
since the
Possible spelling mistake found.
schools&
#039; curriculum is already full and by eliminating this subject from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
table

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
will have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for better choices such as learning a new language. A salient example of this is England that remove the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from high schools and it had a great impact on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s prosperity in academic lessons.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is a popular hobby for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
brings relaxation for them. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, the history of a nation would
be vanished
and the
next
generation would be strange to their past.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that playing a musical instrument can be beneficial in many different ways Others think it is a waste of time to play a musical instrument 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
402 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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