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For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v.1

For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v. 1
Music probably with us since our early interactions. However, despite the fact that playing musical instruments is no longer considered a must for the youngsters, I wholeheartedly believe the significance of it is not as less crucial as the capacity of reading and writing. Perhaps the most fundamental benefit of music is its health and psychological impacts. Both performing and listening to music-- from folk-songs and traditional forms to rap and heavy metal-- have proven emotional benefits. Neurologists argue that music boosts the cognitive skills of the offsprings, consequently, those who can play instruments such as guitar, harmonium, piano, etc. are usually perform better than their counterparts in their academic aspects as well. Therefore, unsurprisingly, the world's renowned personalities who are famous for their pieces of work, emotional intelligence and talent were often excelled in playing various instruments in their early life. Another crucial reason to be apprehensive about the advantage of playing musical instruments is that it helps the youngsters to grow the sense of belongingness. Likewise, they tend to be more sociable and behaviorally modest if they are taught symphony. A remarkable study illustrates that pupils feel worthy and meaningful when they take part in carnival possession or orchestra shows. In a related way, football teams in school use inspiring melodies to unite their supporters. Overall, there is no doubt whatsoever that music has the powerful ability to make youngsters mentally and socially sound, which reap message rewards in their academic prospects as well. My fervent hope is that all guardians, pedagogy experts, and powers-that-be would be more conscious and take steps to learn musical instruments mandatory in educational institutions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
probably
with us since our early interactions.
However
, despite the fact that playing musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
is no longer considered a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for the youngsters, I
wholeheartedly
believe the significance of it is not as less crucial as the capacity of reading and writing.

Perhaps the most fundamental benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is its health and psychological impacts. Both performing and listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music--
from folk-songs and traditional forms to rap and heavy metal-- have proven emotional benefits. Neurologists argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
boosts the cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
,
consequently
, those who can play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
such as guitar, harmonium, piano, etc. are
usually
Consider using a past participle here: "performed".
perform
better than their counterparts in their academic aspects
as well
.
Therefore
,
unsurprisingly
, the world's renowned personalities who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for their pieces of work, emotional intelligence and talent were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
excelled in playing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
in their early life.

Another crucial reason to be apprehensive about the advantage of playing musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the youngsters to grow the sense of
Possible spelling mistake found.
belongingness
.
Likewise
, they tend to be more sociable and
behaviorally
modest if they
are taught
symphony. A remarkable study illustrates that pupils feel worthy and meaningful when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in carnival possession or orchestra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
Consider replacing "In a related way" with the adverb for "related"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
In a related way
, football teams in school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
inspiring melodies to unite their supporters.

Overall
, there is no doubt whatsoever that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has the powerful ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
youngsters mentally and
socially
sound, which reap message rewards in their academic prospects
as well
. My fervent hope is that all guardians, pedagogy experts, and powers-that-be would be more conscious and take steps to learn musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
mandatory in educational institutions.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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