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Some people believe that playing a musical instrument can be beneficial in many different ways Others think it is a waste of time to play a musical instrument Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people believe that playing a musical instrument can be beneficial in many different ways Others think it is a waste of time to play a musical instrument 1
Nowadays, the rural people move to the city in search of a better life, so the cost of loving of the people is increasing. This essay will present some effects of this issue and some solutions. On the one hand, higher living costs are affecting both individuals and society in a number of ways. For the individual, the residents’ life is more difficult, people have to do more to increase the income to pay for their daily activities, which can lead to the many diseases like exhaustion and health ailments. Then they have to pay for the hospital fees and medicines, which take a lot of money and their working time while in the hospital for a long time. In society, price instability which makes a poor, unable to pay, will cause many illegal activities and the proportion of criminal will be dramatically increased. For example, in some Asian countries where the salary of the police is very low, they have tended to corruption to make enough money. On the other hand, the living costs are increased due to many serious problems in significant places, but there is some solution that can be solved. To begin with, each citizen should streamline income, expenditure more efficiently to help reduce the utility costs so that they do not waste money. Moreover, the people need to practice and do exercise everyday to improve the health, so they can avoid the disease. Besides, the government should also bring more job opportunities for lower income people, so they can afford to their life. Furthermore, small traders who are willing to raise the products’ prices for more profits, should be controlled by the government and adjust prices to be more suitable for consumers. To sum up, despite the fact that many people around the world have difficulty in dealing with the rising living costs, there are some solutions to cope with this issue.
Nowadays, the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the city in search of a better life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of loving of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing. This essay will present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effects of this issue and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

On the one hand, higher living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
are affecting both individuals and society in a number of ways. For the individual, the residents’ life is more difficult,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do more to increase the income to pay for their daily activities, which can lead to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases like exhaustion and health ailments. Then they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for the hospital fees and medicines, which take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and their working time while in the hospital for a long time. In society, price instability which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a poor, unable to pay, will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illegal activities and the proportion of criminal will be
dramatically
increased.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asian countries where the salary of the police is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low, they have tended to corruption to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money.

On the other hand
, the living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
are increased
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious problems in significant places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution that can
be solved
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, each citizen should streamline income, expenditure more
efficiently
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the utility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not waste money.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to practice and do exercise
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can avoid the disease.
Besides
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
bring more job opportunities for lower income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can afford to their life.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
traders who are willing to raise the products’ prices for more profits, should
be controlled
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and adjust prices to be more suitable for consumers.

To sum up, despite the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world have difficulty in dealing with the rising living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to cope with this issue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that playing a musical instrument can be beneficial in many different ways Others think it is a waste of time to play a musical instrument 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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