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Some people people believe that playing musical instrument can be beneficial in many different ways. Other think that it is a waste of time to playing musical instrument. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people people believe that playing musical instrument can be beneficial in many different ways. Other think that it is a waste of time to playing musical instrument. v. 2
Music is a vital source to get relief from all stress and anxiety. However, there are some debatable issues as the given topic which asserts that, playing musical instrument; beneficial for individual or just wastage of time? Through this essay, I will going to explain the both points of view and shape of my opinion by the end. On one side, some people believe that, playing musical instrument is very beneficial. They strengthen their viewpoint by claiming that, if some one has played musical instrument, he can improve his intellectual skills and also, make it as a profession as well. Moreover, the masses who love to playing musical instruments can Shine as a star in the eyes of the whole world by their talent. Furthermore, they can also connect the people to their tradition and culture with their music. The best epitome of this is Survey conducted by Chandigarh University which proved that, majority of individuals can lead to be successful life who have played musical instrument. On flip side, there is a group of people who believe that, this is just wastage of time. They make their viewpoint convincing by believing that, it distract the students who are studying, yet. Because, when they start taking interest in music, they forgot that they should give the priority to their study. But, unfortunately, they engrossed in music. The another reason is also be parents think that, in this profession, there children can not get either good earning or be successful in their life. So, they have misperception regarding to musical career. As we can seen that, there are number of solution to this topic. However, on balance, wieghing both the options, I tend to believe that, it should be the choice of person to person. So that, they can find; it will be beneficial for them or not? In this way, they never regret on their decision in their whole life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a vital source to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relief from all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
debatable issues as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
topic which asserts that, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
; beneficial for individual or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wastage of time? Through this essay, I will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "go"
going
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the both points of view and shape of my opinion by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On one side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial. They strengthen their viewpoint by claiming that, if
Did you mean "someone"?
some one
has played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
, he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it as a profession
as well
.
Moreover
, the masses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
can Shine as a star in the eyes of the whole world by their talent.
Furthermore
, they can
also
connect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to their tradition and culture with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. The best epitome of this is Survey conducted by Chandigarh University which proved that, majority of individuals can lead to be successful life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
instrument.

On flip side, there is a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wastage of time. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their viewpoint convincing by believing that, it
Did you mean "distracts"?
distract
the students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are studying,
yet
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, they forgot that they should give the priority to their study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, unfortunately, they engrossed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. The another reason is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, in this profession, there children can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
earning or be successful in their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they have misperception
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
career.

As we can
Did you mean "see" or "be seen"?
seen
that, there are number of solution to this topic.
However
, on balance,
Possible spelling mistake found.
wieghing
both the options, I tend to believe that, it should be the choice of person to person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, they can find; it will be beneficial for them or not? In this way, they never regret on their decision in their whole life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people people believe that playing musical instrument can be beneficial in many different ways. Other think that it is a waste of time to playing musical instrument. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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