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Some people believe that planning for the future is a waste of time because that focusing on the present is more important Do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people believe that planning for the future is a waste of time because that focusing on the present is more important v. 1
People’s habits such as sedentary habit and food consumption behaviour lead to several health-related issues which are incurable using western medicines. Therefore, people consider that indigenous healing method is a good way to deal with the health problems. To some extent, I believe that folk medicine is a good method to treat the illness. However, it is undoubtedly that some disease cannot be dealt with the alternative healing method. On the one hand, plenty of reasons can be offered to explain why folk medicine is one of the effective remedies. First of all, for centuries, the holistic approach has been proven to be able to cure various diseases. Chinese medicine, for instance, is widely known as one of the best treatments for physical and mental illness. Secondly, Indigenous medicine uses harmless substances processed and produced using the traditional method. Most of the raw materials are boiled or roasted without adding chemical substances. Thus, no negative effects result from this type of treatment. Lastly, the sources of traditional medicine commonly derive from nature such as plants or animals that can be found in the surrounding areas. Turmeric, for example, is an effective drug for anti-inflammatory and allergy. Therefore, indigenous treatment provides inexpensive as well as safe medications. On the other hand, there are some current illness occurring as a result of climate change such as avian flu or swine flu that can be healed using the traditional approach as this type of illness requires rapid treatment due to the fact that it has a short incubation period. Hence, the using of modern treatment for this type of disease is a must. To sum up, alternative medicine is one of effective treatments to deal with health problems. However, for a certain type of disease, scientific medicine is the only option of treatment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
’s habits such as sedentary habit and food consumption
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
lead to several health-related issues which are incurable using western medicines.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that indigenous healing method is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to deal with the health problems. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I believe that folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method to treat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
.
However
, it is
undoubtedly
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
cannot
be dealt
with the alternative healing method.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons can
be offered
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is one of the effective remedies.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, for centuries, the holistic approach has
been proven
to be able to cure various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
,
for instance
, is
widely
known as one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
for physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
.
Secondly
, Indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
harmless substances processed and produced using the traditional method. Most of the raw materials
are boiled
or roasted without adding chemical substances.
Thus
, no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects result from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
.
Lastly
, the sources of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
commonly
derive from nature such as plants or animals that can
be found
in the surrounding areas. Turmeric,
for example
, is an effective drug for anti-inflammatory and allergy.
Therefore
, indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
provides inexpensive
as well
as safe medications.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
occurring
as a result
of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
such as avian flu or swine flu that can
be healed
using the traditional approach as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
requires rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
due to the fact that it has a short incubation period.
Hence
, the using of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.

To sum up, alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is one of effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
to deal with health problems.
However
, for a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
, scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people believe that planning for the future is a waste of time because that focusing on the present is more important v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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