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In many nations many people in huge cities either live alone or in small units instead of in large extended family groups Why is this Is a positive or negative development v.1

In many nations many people in huge cities either live alone or in small units instead of in large extended family groups Why is this Is a positive or negative development v. 1
The current trend of celebrating festivals has changed compared to how it was previously celebrated. People tend to spend these holidays as a vacation rather than following the cultural customs. It's a person's choice whether to believe or not believe the customs, but they must spend festivals with their people they love. Most people believe it's pointless in following certain traditions as it does not have a proper reason behind it. They think it's not practical or valid anymore. For instance, Diwali is celebrated in India, the main purpose being the defeat of king Ravana, where they build tall statues of Ravana and watch it burn. Firstly, it's a negative thought to celebrate the death of a person even though he has bad intentions. Secondly, it causes a huge amount of air pollution, which leads to various other environmental problems. There are reasons that traditional beliefs haven't been following lately, but spending that time alone with themselves isn't the right option either. Life in this world has become so hectic. Any chance of a holiday, people just want to relax and do chores. According to me, the main reason behind festivals is to spend quality time with the family and friends, and make some good memories. They can have a good feast and catch up with the family. Grandparents eagerly wait for these as they want to meet their children and grandchildren. In conclusion, it's not necessary to follow the proper way of celebrating holidays, but it's important to spend time with family and friends during festivals as its a way to reunite and strengthen the bond of relationships.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend of celebrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
compared to how it was previously celebrated.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
these holidays as a vacation
rather
than following the cultural customs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
a person's choice whether to believe or not believe the customs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
pointless in following certain traditions as it does not have a proper reason behind it. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
not practical or valid anymore.
For instance
, Diwali
is celebrated
in India, the main purpose being the defeat of king
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ravana
, where they build tall statues of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ravana
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it burn.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to celebrate the death of a person
even though
he has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
intentions.

Secondly
, it causes a huge amount of air pollution, which leads to various other environmental problems.

There are reasons that traditional beliefs haven't been following lately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
spending that time alone with themselves isn't the right option either. Life in this world has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
hectic. Any chance of a holiday,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to relax and do chores.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, the main reason behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
quality time with the family and friends, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memories. They can have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
feast and catch up with the family. Grandparents
eagerly
wait for these as they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their children and grandchildren.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
not necessary to follow the proper way of celebrating holidays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
time with family and friends during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
as
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
a way to reunite and strengthen the bond of relationships.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In many nations many people in huge cities either live alone or in small units instead of in large extended family groups Why is this Is a positive or negative development v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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