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Some people believe that development of business result in a loss of cultural ties between countries. Other people contradict this belief. Give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that development of business result in a loss of cultural ties between countries. Other people contradict this belief. Give your opinion. v. 1
Many individuals think that when business boosts, this can lead to deterioration in the cultural relationships amongst nations. I totally disagree with this notion, and in this essay I discuss my reasons. Firstly, by the expansion of business and setting up new international firms, people tend to travel to other countries to work at one of the branches of a company. This will inevitably result in people exchanging their culture with others in different countries. For instance, they may exchange each other's cousins, learn about others' customs and traditions, and visit museums to learn about history and heritage of that country. Moreover, they may tend to learn each other's languages to facilitate their communication. All these factors can fasten the relationships between people in different countries. Alternatively, if there had not been such international firms, people would not have travelled to work abroad, and would not have had such cultural experiences. Secondly, business not only has the ability to improve the relationships among people, but also does the same on the level of governments. Having said that global companies create job opportunities and boost the economy of countries, governments usually promote setting up such businesses to gain benefits from them. This, in turn, would lead to better relationships among governments of these companies, and because they would have common preferences, they might overlook any political conflicts that may hinder their benefits. In conclusion, I firmly believe that global businesses can significantly boost relationships among countries as it can enhance connections among people as well as governments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
boosts, this can lead to deterioration in the cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
amongst nations. I
totally
disagree with this notion, and in this essay I discuss my reasons.

Firstly
, by the expansion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and setting up new international firms,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to travel to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to work at one of the branches of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This will
inevitably
result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exchanging their culture with others in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, they may exchange each other's cousins, learn about others' customs and traditions, and visit museums to learn about history and heritage of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, they may tend to learn each other's languages to facilitate their communication. All these factors can fasten the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Alternatively
, if there had not been such international firms,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not have travelled to work abroad, and would not have had such cultural experiences.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
does the same on the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. Having said that global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
create job opportunities and boost the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
usually
promote setting up such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to gain benefits from them. This, in turn, would lead to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would have common preferences, they might overlook any political conflicts that may hinder their benefits.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
can
significantly
boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as it can enhance connections
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that development of business result in a loss of cultural ties between countries. Other people contradict this belief. Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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