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Some people believe that parents should pay their children a small amount of money to do jobs around the home (such as washing the dishes or taking out the garbage), while other people believe that parents should not pay their children to do these tasks. v.2

Some people believe that parents should pay their children a small amount of money to do jobs around the home (such as washing the dishes or taking out the garbage), while other people believe that parents should not pay their children to do these tasks. v. 2
Nowadays, due to complicated conditions of the world, parents have to treat their children to prepare them for responsibility. The significant key of achievement is the ability of teamworking. Although some parents are persuited giving money to children instead of doing home staffs, I believe that children should be participated in doing home works without money inspiration. First and foremost, being responsible and activated for own sake is the first reason why I deny giving money to children. Parents who think should they pay cost of working in home to their children, actually they are teach them that there is specific price for anything. Moreover, when children grow up, they expect anyone to pay them for anything that they do, and this treatment would cause tremendous difficulties for these kinds of persons, because they did not learn that part times sacrifices are necessary without expecting money. For instance, I remember last summer we had decided to paint our house, so we called out a brilliant painter. After ending the painting, he decided to paint a wall that was not in the agreement. As a matter of fact, his personality had shaped very exclusively that responsibility sense was his motivation that should he finished the residual spaces without expecting money. Thus, is it necessary for youths to learn that money is not the only inspiration for corporating Secondly, having communication and being good team working is the another important reason why I refuse giving money to young persons. Actually, when younger individuals are inspired by money, they would be شرطی, and the spectacular feature of humanity, that is called communication, will die in them. those learned to do some specific tasks by taking money, and when the money run out, they stop cooraporation. persons who have weakness in connection, they are محکوم to failed in this world, because the communication is the success key. As a personal experience, I had a friend who was professor assistant in university. One day the university decided to has a scientific trip. Most professors with their assistants took part in this trip. He did not do anything because there was no grant for exploration in this trip, so that day was awful for him because of having no communication and corporation with another ones. In summary, due to this world conditions should parents ask their children to do home works with out expecting money because, youths need to learn money is not the only motivation, having ability to communication and sense of responsibility and sacrifice.
Nowadays, due to complicated conditions of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
treat their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to prepare them for responsibility. The significant key of achievement is the ability of
Possible spelling mistake found.
teamworking
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
persuited
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of doing home staffs, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be participated
in doing home works without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
inspiration.

First
and foremost, being responsible and activated for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sake is the
first
reason why I deny giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
should they pay cost of working in home to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, actually they are
Consider using a past participle here: "taught".
teach
them that there is specific price for anything.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
anyone to pay them for anything that they do, and this treatment would cause tremendous difficulties for these kinds of persons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not learn that part times sacrifices are necessary without expecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, I remember last summer we had decided to paint our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we called out a brilliant painter. After ending the painting, he decided to paint a wall that was not in the agreement. As a matter of fact, his personality had shaped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
exclusively that responsibility sense was his motivation that should he finished the residual spaces without expecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Thus
, is it necessary for youths to learn that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inspiration for
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporating


Secondly
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
team working is the another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason why I refuse giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to young persons. Actually, when younger individuals
are inspired
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
شرطی
, and the spectacular feature of humanity, that
is called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
in them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
those
learned to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific tasks by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
run out, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
Possible spelling mistake found.
cooraporation
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
persons
who have weakness in connection, they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
محکوم
to failed in this world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is the success key. As a personal experience, I had a friend who was professor assistant in university. One day the university decided to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "have".
has
a scientific trip. Most professors with their assistants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in this trip. He did not do anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there was no grant for exploration in this trip,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that day was awful for him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and corporation with another ones.

In summary, due to this world conditions should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do home works
This word is usually written together. Did you mean "without"?
with out
expecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, youths need to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motivation, having ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and sense of responsibility and sacrifice.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that parents should pay their children a small amount of money to do jobs around the home (such as washing the dishes or taking out the garbage), while other people believe that parents should not pay their children to do these tasks. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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