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Some people believe that paparazzi should not follow celebrities everywhere and invade their privacy while others believe that this is just the price of fame. v.1

Some people believe that paparazzi should not follow celebrities everywhere and invade their privacy while others believe that this is just the price of fame. v. 1
There is no doubt that personal lives of stars have always been the center of attention of their fans. It is believed by many that renowned people should not have any private life as they are public figures whereas many others think it is an invasion of privacy to follow them and have photographs when they are not in work. This essay will discuss both the views and express my support for the latter one. The reason behind celebrities being followed by journalists all the time is the demand of news about them to their fans, who consider it as their right to know them more exclusively. For example, if correspondents did not write story about the life of Pele, his fans would have been deprived of taking inspiration from his life. So, although personal lives of stars are often presented negatively, many fans believe they have right to know whom they idolise. On the other hand, everyone, whether a public figure or not, has right to preserve their privacy. This is because people should value a person by their professional work, not by their personal activities. Moreover, this over-enthusiasm can sometimes be fatal. For instance, princess Diana died in an accident while trying to escape paparazzi. Therefore, it is unethical to expose the personal life of those popular figures who are not willing to bring their private issues in public. In conclusion, though people are keen to know ins and out of their role models, it is the invasion of privacy to follow them all the places and make story about them. In my opinion, fans should respect their idols' desire of maintaing secrecy about their personal life.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of stars have always been the center of attention of their fans. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not have any private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as they are public figures whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is an invasion of privacy to follow them and have photographs when they are not in work. This essay will discuss both the views and express my support for the latter one.

The reason behind celebrities
being followed
by journalists all the time is the demand of news about them to their fans, who consider it as their right to know them more exclusively.
For example
, if correspondents did not write story about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of Pele, his fans would have
been deprived
of taking inspiration from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of stars are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
presented
negatively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fans believe they have right to know whom they
Possible spelling mistake. 'idolise' is British English.
idolise
.

On the other hand
, everyone, whether a public figure or not, has right to preserve their privacy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should value a person by their professional work, not by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
activities.
Moreover
, this over-enthusiasm can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be fatal.
For instance
, princess Diana
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in an accident while trying to escape paparazzi.
Therefore
, it is unethical to expose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of those popular figures who are not willing to bring their private issues in public.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are keen to know ins and out of their role models, it is the invasion of privacy to follow them all the places and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
story about them. In my opinion, fans should respect their
Possible spelling mistake found.
idols&
#039; desire of
Possible spelling mistake found.
maintaing
secrecy about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people believe that paparazzi should not follow celebrities everywhere and invade their privacy while others believe that this is just the price of fame. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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