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Some people believe that only students with the best academic performance should be rewarded, while some other people think it is more important to reward students with improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that only students with the best academic performance should be rewarded, while some other people think it is more important to reward students with improvement. v. 2
It is universally believed that providing students with many awards is an effective way to improve academic performance. Some reckon that only the top performers are eligible to receive their rewards, while others argue that students who made progress should be rewarded. The reason for advocates of awarding students who achieved the best academic performance is because that one needs to pay a great amount of effort than other classmates for make a higher grade in the exam. Besides, they are normally considered as the positive model to encourage others to work hard. Moreover, awarding high-level students with prizes are usually seen as a good way for nurturing the elitists for future society. However, it is also necessary for teachers to give certain awards to those who put forward efforts in the study since the enthusiasm of students to study might be reduced if we only pay attention to those few top performers and ignore other the rest of students. These extrinsic award provided to them is not only a recognition of their performance but also a motivator for further study because a sense of accomplishment can boost their confidence and help them become high-level students eventually. Personally, both of the two arguments are reasonable, therefore, not only excellent students are rewarded, but also those who made progress in their study should be honored.
It is
universally
believed that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
awards is an effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
academic performance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the top performers are eligible to receive their rewards, while others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
made progress should
be rewarded
.

The reason for advocates of awarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieved the best academic performance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that one needs to pay a great amount of effort than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
classmates for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a higher grade in the exam.
Besides
, they are
normally
considered as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
model to encourage others to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Moreover
, awarding high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with prizes are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for nurturing the elitists for future society.

However
, it is
also
necessary for teachers to give certain awards to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
put forward efforts in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
since the enthusiasm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
pay attention to those few top performers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
the rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. These extrinsic award provided to them is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a recognition of their performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a motivator for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a sense of accomplishment can boost their confidence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
eventually
.

Personally
, both of the two arguments are reasonable,
therefore
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are rewarded
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
made progress in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
should
be honored
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people believe that only students with the best academic performance should be rewarded, while some other people think it is more important to reward students with improvement. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
224 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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