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Some people believe that only students with the best academic performance should be rewarded, while some other people think it is more important to reward students with improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that only students with the best academic performance should be rewarded, while some other people think it is more important to reward students with improvement. v. 1
In today’s world, making substantial changes in society has always been a major concern for every nation. It is believed that these changes can be made only by the government, whereas others argue that an individual can make a difference and eventually change the society. This essay will address both sides of this argument and finally reach to a conclusion with an opinion. To begin with, it is considered that the administration of every nation can make important changes in city life by enforcing the law and conducting the awareness seminars. To put this in another way, people’s safety can only be ensured if the state enforces law and order in the community. For instance, according to a social experiment, safety is a crucial matter in a society which is being expected by people from the ruling administration. Moreover, the government should take effective steps in order to conduct the awareness seminars which will help people to aware and understand the acute problems of a community. Thus, it is clear that the administrative plays a vital role in making a significant difference in individual's life. On the other hand, Despite government aid, individuals should understand the responsibilities towards the betterment of a society. Firstly, people can change their lives by actively participating in the social activities. For example, being social activists, they will understand and resolve the critical issues of the society which cannot be felt without being socialist. Secondly, youngsters should be encouraged to attain a higher education and set an example in the lifestyle for others who have been demoralized in their life. Finally, a person should be helpful and kind to others and especially to those who are needy. Therefore, it has been proven that every individual has a potential to change the society by simply encouraging and motivating themselves. In conclusion, after discussing the both sides of an argument, in my opinion, although it should be the prime responsibility of the state in making important changes in living area, the individuals should also be matured and responsible in order to help society emerging from worse conditions and to make it a better place.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, making substantial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has always been a major concern for every nation. It
is believed
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
can
be made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, whereas others argue that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference and
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This essay will address both sides of this argument and
finally
reach to a conclusion with an opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
is considered
that the administration of every nation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in city life by enforcing the law and conducting the awareness seminars. To put this in another way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
safety can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be ensured
if the state enforces law and order in the community.
For instance
, according to a social experiment, safety is a crucial matter in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the ruling administration.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take effective steps in order to conduct the awareness seminars which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to aware and understand the acute problems of a community.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the administrative plays a vital role in making a significant difference in individual's life.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, Despite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
aid,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should understand the responsibilities towards the betterment of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by
actively
participating in the social activities.
For example
, being social activists, they will understand and resolve the critical issues of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which cannot
be felt
without being socialist.
Secondly
, youngsters should
be encouraged
to attain a higher education and set an example in the lifestyle for others who have
been demoralized
in their life.
Finally
, a person should be helpful and kind to others and
especially
to those who are needy.
Therefore
, it has
been proven
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has a potential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by
simply
encouraging and motivating themselves.

In conclusion
, after discussing the both sides of an argument, in my opinion, although it should be the prime responsibility of the state in making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in living area, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should
also
be matured
and responsible in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
emerging from worse conditions and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a better place.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that only students with the best academic performance should be rewarded, while some other people think it is more important to reward students with improvement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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