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Some people believe that old public buildings in cities should be restored while others say that they should be demolished and new buildings should be built instead. Agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that old public buildings in cities should be restored while others say that they should be demolished and new buildings should be built instead. Agree or disagree? v. 1
Today’s rate of population threaten to the basic need of human. So whenever lengthy discussion comes related to the point then debate occurs about the old and new edifices. It is partially agreed that analyzing the unplanned and outdated plan buildings should be get ground level except the case, some historic buildings to be preserved for the coming generation. Firstly, Some of the unplanned and without basic amenities building are constructed in the main region in city. Resulting, occupying more space making main obstacle in traffic congestion and over in long time it has been made threat to human lives because of the over life span turned out. For Example, The famous Holkar Bridge in Mumbai collapsed in rainy season due to neglance of their maintenance and life period exceeded in that event several injured and died. Hence it is clear that such type of building should be ground level before happening misfortune event, instead of crate new planned infrastructure avoid traffic dilemma and utilize proper space for living needs. Secondly, Pre historic buildings should be conserved for the tourist attraction and making history of the country. they are windows to the past. When we restore a building we area preserving our heritage and part of history of that generation. For Instance, In Maharashtra number of forts and historical telling building are preserved for the tourist attraction in a way So it is helps to boost country economy while foreigner comes to know about that place more and more. In addition, government is also attentive take part in create vigilance about culture in younger generation mind. It is helps to conserve culture and history ever and forever. In summary, Conserving heritage history through tourist attraction contribute the country economy and ll live example for the young era ever. In Some minor cases need to demolish old one and reconstruct the well organized plan for the better utilization for the public welfare.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s rate of population threaten to the basic need of human.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
whenever lengthy discussion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
related to the point then debate occurs about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and new edifices. It is
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that analyzing the unplanned and outdated plan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ground level except the case,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
to
be preserved
for the coming generation.

Firstly
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
unplanned and without basic amenities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
are constructed
in the main region in city. Resulting, occupying more space making main obstacle in traffic congestion and over in long time it has
been made
threat to human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the over life span turned out.
For Example
, The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
Holkar
Bridge in Mumbai collapsed in rainy season due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
neglance
of their maintenance and life period exceeded in that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
several injured and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
should
be ground
level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
happening misfortune
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
,
instead
of crate new planned infrastructure avoid traffic dilemma and utilize proper space for living needs.

Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pre
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
should
be conserved
for the tourist attraction and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the country.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
are windows to the past. When we restore a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'we'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
we area
preserving our heritage and part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of that generation.
For Instance
, In Maharashtra number of forts and historical telling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
are preserved
for the tourist attraction in a way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to boost country economy while foreigner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to know about that place more and more.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
also
attentive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in create vigilance about culture in younger generation mind. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to conserve culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
ever and forever.

In summary, Conserving heritage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
through tourist attraction contribute the country economy and ll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
example for the young era ever. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
minor cases need to demolish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
one and reconstruct the well organized plan for the better utilization for the public welfare.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people believe that old public buildings in cities should be restored while others say that they should be demolished and new buildings should be built instead. Agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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