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Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v.2

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v. 2
Most people believe that there is no direct relation between money and happiness. There are various factors other than money that can make people happy. Happiness is a feeling that depends upon the needs of an individual and this makes it difficult to define. There are plenty of ways through which people can achieve happiness. Happiness is a subjective feeling, which makes it difficult to define. In other words, happiness depends entirely on an individual and his or her needs at any point of time. Different people might have different needs; hence factors which make people happy vary from person to person. Generally speaking, people tend to feel happy when their needs are satisfied / fulfilled. Furthermore, as the needs of people change over the years, the factors influencing their happiness also change, making it more difficult to define happiness. For instance, a chocolate can make a child happy; however, it does not mean much for an adult. Money might be a source of happiness for an adult but it is of little value for a child. There can be different factors which makes people feel happy. One of the factors that might lead to happiness is job satisfaction. If people are satisfied with the kind of job they are doing, they tend to feel happy. Another factor leading to happiness is a loving family and friends. If the people in an individual’s life are loving and caring, they tend to be happy. Finally, doing social work can also lead to happiness. In other words, people feel happy when they serve the society and contribute towards making it a better place to live in. For instance, a doctor might find happiness in treating people for free. In conclusion, there are several factors that can contribute towards happiness of different individuals. However, specific factors which make individuals happy are those which satisfy their needs at that point of time.
Most
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people
believe that there is no direct relation between money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. There are various
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factors
other than money that can
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make
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
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Happiness
is a feeling that depends upon the
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needs
of an
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individual
and this
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makes
it difficult to define. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of ways through which
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people
can achieve happiness.

Happiness is a subjective feeling, which
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makes
it difficult to define.
In other words
,
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happiness
depends
entirely
on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
at any point of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
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people
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might
have
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
;
hence
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factors
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
vary from person to person.
Generally
speaking,
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people
tend to
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feel
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happy
when their
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needs
are satisfied
/ fulfilled.

Furthermore
, as the
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needs
of
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over the years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
influencing their
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happiness
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, making it more difficult to define
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For instance
, a chocolate can
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make
a child
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happy
;
however
, it does not mean much for an adult. Money
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might
be a source of
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happiness
for an adult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
value for a child.

There can be
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. One of the
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factors
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is job satisfaction. If
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people
are satisfied
with the kind of job they are doing, they tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
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happy
. Another
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factor
leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a loving family and friends. If the
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people
in an
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individual’s
life
The verb 'loving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are loving
and caring, they tend to be
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happy
.
Finally
, doing social work can
also
lead to
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happiness
.
In other words
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
when they serve the society and contribute towards making it a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
For instance
, a doctor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for free.

In conclusion
, there are several
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factors
that can contribute towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
However
, specific
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factors
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
are those which satisfy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
at that point of time.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
70Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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