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In many cities there is a lack of space to develop and as a result, in order to modernize, old buildings are demolished and replaced with new buildings. What are the disadvantages of knocking down old buildings? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

In many cities there is a lack of space to develop and as a result, in order to modernize, old buildings are demolished and replaced with new buildings. What are the disadvantages of knocking down old buildings? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
In order to construct a modern place, nowadays many provinces tend to wreck out old structures and replace with the new ones. In my view, destructing second-hand buildings may have both disadvantages and advantages which relate to many aspects such as the civilization, pollution, the economic status of its local area. To begin with the drawbacks of collapsing old buildings, firstly, the pollution effect. In other words, when a house, for example, is destructed, this probably creates a huge amount of dust, ashes, and noise impacting deeply to the civilization living nearby. Furthermore, if people absorb too much ashes to their body, sooner or later, this will cause many problems against them, especially the lung cancer. In addition, many contractors like to use wreckers to collapse a structure, for instance, a house because this is the cheapest way for both the contractor and the customer. The point is vibration caused by that will also damage the existing structures nearby. Thus, we have to consider carefully its impacts before conducting demolishing work. On the other hand, the reason why many people choose to destroy the outdated one and replace with the new one because this will save their budget as the price of maintaining a structure is usually more expensive and complicate than collapse it. Moreover, this will supply more space for site team conduct their work. For example, New Yorkers prefer destroying their old house than keeping it. In conclusion, I am convinced that its disadvantages outweigh its advantages because of the above reasons. This is reliant on how old the buildings are, actually, the more age it is, the more more drawbacks it has on the destruction method. So, we should be carefully concerned before making decisions in order to optimize our benefits.
In order to construct a modern place, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
provinces tend to wreck out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structures
and replace with the new ones. In my view, destructing second-hand buildings may have both disadvantages and advantages which relate to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects such as the civilization, pollution, the economic status of its local area.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the drawbacks of collapsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
buildings,
firstly
, the pollution effect.
In other words
, when a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
for example
,
is destructed
, this
probably
creates a huge amount of dust, ashes, and noise impacting
deeply
to the civilization living nearby.
Furthermore
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
absorb too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
ashes to their body, sooner or later, this will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems against them,
especially
the lung cancer.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
contractors like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
wreckers to collapse a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
,
for instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is the cheapest way for both the contractor and the customer. The point is vibration caused by that will
also
damage the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structures
nearby.
Thus
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider
carefully
its impacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
conducting demolishing work.

On the other hand
, the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the outdated one and replace with the new one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will save their budget as the price of maintaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
is
usually
more expensive and complicate than collapse it.
Moreover
, this will supply more space for site team conduct their work.
For example
, New Yorkers prefer destroying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
than keeping it.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that its disadvantages outweigh its advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the above reasons. This is reliant on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
the buildings are, actually, the more age it is, the
Use only "more" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more more
drawbacks it has on the destruction method.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we should be
carefully
concerned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making decisions in order to optimize our benefits.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many cities there is a lack of space to develop and as a result, in order to modernize, old buildings are demolished and replaced with new buildings. What are the disadvantages of knocking down old buildings? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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