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Some people believe that nowadays we have too many. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. v.1

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many. with this statement. v. 1
Having different choices when people decide to do something has brought significant changes to our lives in recent years. Yet, there remains some disagreement as to whether these choices have either negative or positive impacts on our lives. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that benefits of various options far outweigh its drawbacks. These benefits are twofold. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that diverse choices would bring different solutions when encountering any problems or issues. We are not put under compulsion of circumstances and can find another way to get through it. Moreover, in the past, when the technology was not developed, people had to use rudimentary methods to do things like cooking or harvesting. Thanks to our modern technology, nowadays everything has become much simpler and faster, people always have different choices from choosing a shirt to cooking dishes. Equally important, though having various options to choose, people would have chances to experience and finally decide what suits them the most. Small quantities of choices only give basic insight into their abilities. Whereas, plenty of opportunities bring experiences and things that people need to know what is good and bad to themselves. For instance, nowadays, after finishing highschool, people have two options, either going to university or taking a gap year. Unlike in the past, students had to go to university immediately. Therefore, they could not know what subject most fit them. Admittedly, in some cases, too many choices may lead to confusion, people may have a hard time to decide. Nonetheless, I would contend that the confusion is essential when you want to make the best decision. By way of conclusion, I once reaffirm my position that diverse choices have a great impact on our life to meet the demand for everyone.
Having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to do something has brought significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in recent years.
Yet
, there remains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagreement
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
have either
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While there are
certainly
valid arguments to the contrary, I
personally
believe that benefits of various options far outweigh its drawbacks. These benefits are twofold.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an indisputable fact that diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
would bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
solutions when encountering any problems or issues. We are not put under compulsion of circumstances and can find another way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through it.
Moreover
, in the past, when the technology was not developed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
rudimentary methods to do things like cooking or harvesting. Thanks to our modern technology, nowadays everything has become much simpler and faster,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
from choosing a shirt to cooking dishes.

Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, though having various options to choose,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have chances to experience and
finally
decide what suits them the most.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Small
quantities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give basic insight into their abilities. Whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of opportunities bring experiences and things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to know what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
to themselves.
For instance
, nowadays, after finishing
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have two options, either going to university or taking a gap year. Unlike in the past, students had to go to university immediately.
Therefore
, they could not know what subject most fit them.

Admittedly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
may lead to confusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time to decide. Nonetheless, I would contend that the confusion is essential when you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best decision.

By way of conclusion, I once reaffirm my position that diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
have a great impact on our life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand for everyone.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that nowadays we have too many. with this statement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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