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In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples. v.2

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 2
Isolating from parents has become a trend nowadays. Young adults are opting to move out of their parent's homes and prefer living alone or with friends. This step adds many important values, like independence, sense of sacrifice, and love to their life which are crucial for future challenges. Thus, this is a positive development. Firstly, when young people live with the parents, the sense of responsibility is extremely low because they know that they have their parents to help them out in the difficult times and normal day-to-day activities, like cooking food, buying groceries and paying bills. After moving out, they start taking care of chaos by themselves and faces the challenges thrown by life. In other words, there are many lessons of life which can be learnt by personal experience, for instance, when they have to cover their expenses, they do part-time jobs which make them understand the value of money. These experiences train and motivates them to push back hard time, and face real situations and challenges, thus preparing them for upcoming hardship. Secondly, since childhood children are deeply connected with the parents, which they do not realize, parents make enormous sacrifices for children now, and then, moving out gives an indirect chance to understand those feelings when they feel homesick. This realization motivates them to achieve bigger and repay parents by giving them a comfortable lifestyle and support they would need in their old age, hence making them a better person. To conclude, the new generation is leaving the house of parents to become a responsible and mature individual, and this is a positive development for the parents, their children, and overall society.
Isolating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has become a trend nowadays. Young adults are opting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of their parent's homes and prefer living alone or with friends. This step
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
values, like independence, sense of sacrifice, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to their life which are crucial for future challenges.
Thus
, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

Firstly
, when young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, the sense of responsibility is
extremely
low
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know that they have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them out in the difficult times and normal day-to-day activities, like cooking food, buying groceries and paying bills. After moving out, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking care of chaos by themselves and faces the challenges thrown by life.
In other words
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lessons of life which can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by personal experience,
for instance
, when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cover their expenses, they do part-time jobs which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand the value of money. These experiences train and motivates them to push back
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time, and face real situations and challenges,
thus
preparing them for upcoming hardship.

Secondly
, since childhood children are
deeply
connected with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which they do not realize,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
enormous sacrifices for children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, and then, moving out gives an indirect chance to understand those feelings when they feel homesick. This realization motivates them to achieve bigger and repay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
by giving them a comfortable lifestyle and support they would need in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age,
hence
making them a better person.

To conclude
, the new generation is leaving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to become a responsible and mature individual, and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, their children, and
overall
society.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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