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In many countries, more and more people buy a wide range of household goods like television, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

In many countries, more and more people buy a wide range of household goods like television, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
More and more people buy a wide range of household goods like television, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Over the past decades, the development of technology has never failed to draw public attention and provoke debates. Although an overwhelming majority of families have possessed more than one piece of electrical device with the proliferation of high-tech products in every walk of life, the issue as to whether it does more good than harm or not remains controversial. In my opinion, household goods, if properly used, can bring you more benefits than drawbacks. On the one hand, household goods have improved the quality of life. In fact, thanks to the sophisticated design, doing domestic chores ceases to be a bother. For instance, a vacuum cleaner can help make even the carpeted floor dustless and a micro-wave oven can make cooking a manageable and enjoyable process. Similar advantages also apply to washing machines, dish- washers, dryers, and refrigerators. Thus, the time and energy saved allow people to work and rest better. This example indicates that the more free time you save due to having appliances, the more other things you are capable of doing at your will. On the other hand, the opponents may argue that it can be a potential threat to the health of family members and the environment as a whole. Those who are against buying a wide range of household goods hold their views for reasons. Firstly, the convenience brought about by the appliances also encourage owners to adopt sedentary lifestyle and inactivity. For instance, they deprive users of the possibilities to consume a huge number of calories at home, which, in a long run, is likely to undermine their health. Secondly, electrical household goods usually get updated at a high rate due to the ever-advancing technology, and the accompanying mass production will drive the exploration of natural resources. In conclusion, nowadays electrical appliances bring both boons and banes. If they are used carefully and scrupulously, its advantages will eclipse its disadvantages.
More and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
like television, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development?

Over the past decades, the development of technology has never failed to draw public attention and provoke debates. Although an overwhelming majority of families have possessed more than one piece of electrical device with the proliferation of high-tech products in every walk of life, the issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
it does more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
than harm or not remains controversial. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, if
properly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, can bring you more benefits than drawbacks.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the quality of life. In fact, thanks to the sophisticated design, doing domestic chores ceases to be a bother.
For instance
, a vacuum cleaner can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
even the carpeted floor dustless and a micro-wave oven can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cooking a manageable and enjoyable process. Similar advantages
also
apply to washing machines, dish- washers, dryers, and refrigerators.
Thus
, the time and energy saved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work and rest better. This example indicates that the more free time you save due to having appliances, the more other things you are capable of doing at your will.

On the other hand
, the opponents may argue that it can be a potential threat to the health of family members and the environment as a whole. Those who are against buying a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
hold their views for reasons.
Firstly
, the convenience brought about by the appliances
also
encourage owners to adopt sedentary lifestyle and inactivity.
For instance
, they deprive users of the possibilities to consume a huge number of calories at home, which, in a long run, is likely to undermine their health.
Secondly
, electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
updated at a high rate due to the ever-advancing technology, and the accompanying mass production will drive the exploration of natural resources.

In conclusion
, nowadays electrical appliances bring both boons and banes. If they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
carefully
and
scrupulously
, its advantages will eclipse its disadvantages.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, more and more people buy a wide range of household goods like television, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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