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Some people think that not all criminals should be kept in prison. Some criminals should do unpaid work to help other people in the community. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Some people think that not all criminals should be kept in prison. Some criminals should do unpaid work to help other people in the community. v. 2
Nowadays, the number of crimes all over the world is on the increase and most sociologists regard this a result of unemployment, poverty and lack of education. While a group of people argue that offenders should be punished by going to jails, I believe that doing unsalaried work in the community would be more beneficial for the people, prisons and the criminals. There are a variety of reasons why I would argue that doing unpaid work in the local community would be a positive scheme. Firstly, governments would not suffer from the expeditions that prisoners and prisons bring about. Secondly, rehabilitation programs help offenders to learn some vocational training that are useful in their future life. Finally, other offenders who are at prisons may have an adverse effect on them which will encourage offenders to commit more crimes. Furthermore, jail punishment is not a deterring act against crime and it would not diminish the violence and criminal acts in society. A salient example of this is USA that could decrease the crime statistics up to 30% by educating criminals and teaching them vocational training which lead to better job opportunities for the criminals. Although they had criminal records which makes finding a job more difficult, they could obtain a satisfactory job. On the other hand, most of the criminals re offend after releasing from prison into society and they usually break the law in order to making a living since they have no experience at works. Furthermore, rehabilitation programs would benefit the society and criminals. They can do some community work in their neighborhood such as talking to schools or cleaning the streets. As a result, the students who dropped out of schools or those who are under peer pressure would be less likely to become delinquent. TO support my claim, I can refer to an article having been published in Times magazine, indicates that rehabilitation programs make awareness among juveniles, parents and the offenders and this programs could stop the fast raise in criminal records. In conclusion, although prisons play a central role in punishment and are appropriate places for those who committed sever crimes such as killing, the role of community services in training offenders should not be neglected. I assert that all humans have the ability to turn into good, positive people who are beneficial for their society and family.
Nowadays, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
all over the world is on the increase and most sociologists regard this a result of unemployment, poverty and lack of education. While a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
should
be punished
by going to jails, I believe that doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
unsalaried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
would be more beneficial for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
and the criminals.

There are a variety of reasons why I would argue that doing unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
scheme.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
would not suffer from the expeditions that prisoners and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
bring about.
Secondly
, rehabilitation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vocational training that are useful in their future life.
Finally
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
may have an adverse effect on them which will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
to commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Furthermore
, jail punishment is not a deterring act against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and it would not diminish the violence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
acts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. A salient example of this is USA that could decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
statistics up to 30% by educating
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
criminals


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
teaching them vocational training which lead to better job opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. Although they had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
records which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
finding a job more difficult, they could obtain a satisfactory job.

On the other hand
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
re offend after releasing from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
into
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they
usually
break the law in order to
Did you mean "make"?
making
a living since they have no experience at works.
Furthermore
, rehabilitation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
would benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. They can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their neighborhood such as talking to schools or cleaning the streets.
As a result
, the students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
dropped out of schools or those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are under peer pressure would be less likely to become delinquent. TO support my claim, I can refer to an article having
been published
in Times magazine, indicates that rehabilitation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
awareness among juveniles, parents and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
and
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
fast
raise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
records.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
play a central role in punishment and are appropriate places for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
committed sever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as killing, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
services in training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
should not
be neglected
. I assert that all humans have the ability to turn into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are beneficial for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and family.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that not all criminals should be kept in prison. Some criminals should do unpaid work to help other people in the community. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
393 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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