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Some people believe that newspaper is the best source of news. Others think that the news is presented better on radio or television. v.1

Some people believe that newspaper is the best source of news. Others think that the news is presented better on radio or television. v. 1
Many countries around the world are struggling to address the ever growing need for housing, which is originated from the invariably growing population. Some people advocate for the urban housing while others are voting for more rural housing development. Both perspectives have their merits and demerits. In my view, building contemporary towns away from the cities is the best approach to alleviate some of the problems generated by urbanization. To begin with, Most economic activities take place in cities which offer jobs, business opportunities, schools, hospitals, public transportation and other public services. This lure individuals to come work and live in these metropolitans. As a result, many people prefer to stay closer to their workplaces here. Consequently, cities are overcrowded. For example, the apartments and skyscrapers that we are witnessing nowadays are, a result of excessive population, thus making the cosmopolitans further congested. In order to alleviate the above mentioned issues, new towns should be built away from these gigantic areas, and villages could be the best possible answer for these crises. For example, developing new townships in rural areas bring new jobs and economic opportunities, allowing the development activities spread across, rather than limiting them to the cities. This intern helps reducing the traffic in metros because people don't have to travel far for work. For example, countries like Australia have developed smaller towns away from each other in a way that, they are self sustained and equipped with shops, housing, infrastructure and public services. Because of this approach, they are able to overcome problems arise from overcrowding in big developed places. In conclusion, I recommend that the new townships should be built in rural areas rather urban ones. That way, we can address the inherent space issues and traffic congestion in urbanized world. At the same time, it also helps villages develop without limiting the economic growth only in the cities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries around the world are struggling to address the ever growing need for housing, which
is originated
from the
invariably
growing population.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate for the urban housing while others are voting for more rural housing development. Both perspectives have their merits and demerits. In my view, building contemporary towns away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is the best approach to alleviate
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems generated by urbanization.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Most economic activities take place in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which offer jobs, business opportunities, schools, hospitals, public transportation and other public services. This lure individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in these metropolitans.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to stay closer to their workplaces here.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are overcrowded
.
For example
, the apartments and skyscrapers that we are witnessing nowadays are, a result of excessive population,
thus
making the cosmopolitans
further
congested.

In order to alleviate the above mentioned issues,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
towns should
be built
away from these gigantic areas, and villages could be the best possible answer for these crises.
For example
, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
townships in rural areas bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
jobs and economic opportunities, allowing the development activities spread across,
rather
than limiting them to the cities.

This intern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to reduce" or "reduce".
reducing
the traffic in metros
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel far for work.
For example
, countries like Australia have developed smaller towns away from each other in a way that, they are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sustained
and equipped with shops, housing, infrastructure and public services.
Because of this
approach, they are able to overcome problems arise from overcrowding in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
developed places.

In conclusion
, I recommend that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
townships should
be built
in rural areas
rather
urban ones. That way, we can address the inherent space issues and traffic congestion in urbanized world. At the same time, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
villages develop without limiting the economic growth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people believe that newspaper is the best source of news. Others think that the news is presented better on radio or television. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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