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Some people believe that construction of new public building such as museums, town halls and sporting facilities is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that construction of new public building such as museums, town halls and sporting facilities is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. v. 1
According to some people, sports facilities should be increased to enhance the health of the public. However, some opine that other measures are needed as sporting facilities have less impact on the fitness. Though sports help in improving one's health, other actions such as awareness campaigns on healthy eating habits have a major role to play. This essay will discuss both views in detail, followed by my opinion. Firstly, when sporting facilities such as gyms, yoga centres, sports clubs are set up in all the localities, more people will have access to such amenities. They would utilize them to break their sedentary lifestyle routines by exercising daily or by engaging themselves in physical activities. As a result, the well-being of people will improve. In the recent years, everyone is enthusiastically joining wellness clubs or hitting gyms to be physically active, which is vital for the endurance and fitness of the body. For instance, a recent survey conducted reveals that more employees are utilising the gym services offered by corporate offices as compared to the past. This shows that people have become more health conscious than before. However, hitting the gyms or playing sports does not contribute to complete wellness of an individual. The other measure that has a vital role to play is balanced diet. Without the nutritional diet intake, one can neither stay healthy nor can exercise regularly as the body needs energy and stamina. So, the primary health care centres should conduct awareness campaigns about balanced diet regularly to encourage people to eat nutritious food. The government should take appropriate measures to make sure that underprivileged people get adequate food rich in vitamins, minerals, proteins and carbohydrates. For instance, the government of Telangana's scheme to serve a midday meal to underprivileged school children is considered as one of the best initiatives taken up to improve public well being. To summarise, I opine that when people eat balanced food and are physically active, their health conditions are less likely to deteriorate. So, necessary actions must be taken by the government to build a healthy nation.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities should
be increased
to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the public.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that other measures
are needed
as sporting facilities have less impact on the fitness. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in improving one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, other actions such as awareness campaigns on healthy eating habits have a major role to play. This essay will discuss both views in detail, followed by my opinion.

Firstly
, when sporting facilities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
, yoga
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs
are set
up in all the localities, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have access to such amenities. They would utilize them to break their sedentary lifestyle routines by exercising daily or by engaging themselves in physical activities.
As a result
, the well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. In the recent years, everyone is
enthusiastically
joining wellness clubs or hitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
to be
physically
active, which is vital for the endurance and fitness of the body.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted reveals that more employees are
Do not mix variants of the same word ('utilise' and 'utilize') within a single text.
utilising
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
services offered by corporate offices as compared to the past. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conscious than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

However
, hitting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
or playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
does not contribute to complete wellness of an individual. The other measure that has a vital role to play
is balanced
diet. Without the nutritional diet intake, one can neither stay healthy nor can exercise
regularly
as the body needs energy and stamina.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
should conduct awareness campaigns about balanced diet
regularly
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to eat nutritious food. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take appropriate measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adequate food rich in vitamins, minerals, proteins and carbohydrates.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Telangana's scheme to serve a midday meal to underprivileged school children
is considered
as one of the best initiatives taken up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I opine that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat balanced food and are
physically
active, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions are less likely to deteriorate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, necessary actions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to build a healthy nation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe that construction of new public building such as museums, town halls and sporting facilities is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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